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If only you were soulless.
If you were mindless, blind,
you and I could make a beautiful disaster.
The press would write of our brief affair;
they'd paint me (the woman in red) as pathetic.
They will not consider how I need your love
or how it pains me so deeply to throw myself at you.
I will not be remembered as a poet warrior.
I'll be the eternal survivor no more.
All who think of me will shake their bowed heads
and tearfully remark;
 If only you were soulless.
 If you were mindless, blind,
 You wouldn't have been such a bloody disaster.
I wonder what you think this poem is about.
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:iconlookinatstufff:
LookinAtStufff Featured By Owner Jul 14, 2013
Beautiful is they only word for it.
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:icontalia-wolffang:
Talia-WolfFang Featured By Owner Apr 14, 2013
This was a fantastic read, just like all of your other works. At first, I thought it was about losing yourself to the world, with the 40810 being some kind of bar code number - with people just being numbers, lost in a world of 7 billion. And that the death of one human, from some kind of insane lover, while being covered by the press for a brief moment, would be easily forgotten. (The press would write about our brief affair)

That people would not remember them for what they did, who they were, but remember them as the one lost in an accident. (they'd paint me (the woman in red) as pathetic. They will not consider how I need your love or how it pains me so deeply to throw myself at you. I will not be remembered as a poet warrior. I'll be the eternal survivor no more.)

And maybe the murderer planned to kill himself afterwards, but couldn't and now he faces the guilt and a far worse fate? (if only you were soulless, mindless, blind)
Even though a lot of the lines didn't match up with this after i re-read it. :XD:

aaaaand of course i couldn't resist the temptation to peek down and see what other people thought :P Whoops, seems like my interpretation was way off. Throw myself at you was a great play on words, bloody disaster as well.
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:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Apr 18, 2013
I'm late responding because April hates me, I apologise :[

Nods, what a complex idea, I love it. I love that people can take something so uniquely different from a reading.
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:iconmoontiger5:
moontiger5 Featured By Owner Apr 1, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Despair, and yearning for a quick end, and above all for those seconds of mad rush just before tis all over. Enthralling.
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:iconkuraitenshiv:
KuraiTenshiV Featured By Owner Mar 17, 2013  Hobbyist
reflections....
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:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Mar 22, 2013
:tighthug: trains.
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:iconkuraitenshiv:
KuraiTenshiV Featured By Owner Mar 22, 2013  Hobbyist
cool
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:icondonutmonk:
donutmonk Featured By Owner Mar 16, 2013  Hobbyist
You wonder what I think of it. I think it'd be too obvious to be a love poem. So I'm betting it's about the fear of being forgotten? o 3o Fear as to how you'll be viewed, that sort.
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:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Mar 22, 2013
For me, the poem is about a train. 40810 was written on the side of it.
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:icondonutmonk:
donutmonk Featured By Owner Mar 26, 2013  Hobbyist
Well I was wrong. XD Ah well, worth a shot anyways. = w=
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:iconsparia:
Sparia Featured By Owner Mar 16, 2013  Student General Artist
well done!

ans: killing your self
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:iconzevais:
Zevais Featured By Owner Mar 15, 2013  Hobbyist
If only if I had a soul
If my mind could hold on, and truly see,
perhaps I would make something of my beautiful mess.
The artists wouldn't even photograph my endless fight;
they'd erase me (the man of black) of anything of worth.
They always consider how to tear my heart open
and how to numb me to any lifting of myself.
The only thing anyone will know is I fought with my art.
The quick death never comes.
Nobody cares to lift their head or even think of me
or even casually remark;
...if only you had a soul
...if only your mind could hold on, and truly see,
...Perhaps you would make something of your beautiful mess.
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:iconstealthpassion:
stealthpassion Featured By Owner Mar 15, 2013
Ahhh I see I was way off, only just read the other comments...
very cryptic, nice work.
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:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Mar 22, 2013
Thank you!
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:iconstealthpassion:
stealthpassion Featured By Owner Mar 15, 2013
Errr being a mistress..... to someone famous?
Prey do tell.....
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:iconthisntme:
Thisntme Featured By Owner Mar 13, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I get that this is eluding towards suicidal thoughts& actions, but what really gets me is the point of view. In the first part [before you say "the woman in red"] it sounds like Suicide is talking about it's victim, but after the line, it throws me off that you pointed out the point of view as being from yourself, and not from Suicide's perspective.
I guess that's the mystery & greatness of poetry- being able to leave it up to interpretation.
Though I don't condone the actions and thoughts leading to this poem being written, I do congratulate you on how well it's written.
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:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Mar 22, 2013
It will probably help if I tell you my thoughts about this one. I usually don't mind if people interpret it differently but you seem to be struggling to understand it so heres my perspective.

40810 was written on the side of a train I saw that day. I wrote this poem sat at the train station, thinking to myself "well I can't throw myself in front of the train, because my mum lent me the money for my train ticket" (which got me on the platform and I didnt want her to blame herself). It's a very dark poem. And its about the train specifically, not just s uicide generally.

"If only you were soulless.
If you were mindless, blind,
you and I could make a beautiful disaster."

- when I was like 11, I think, I wrote a poem called Accidental Suicide. In which a girl goes on the tracks, and then realises the damage her suicide would do to the person driving the train. So she tries to get off the tracks but isn't quick enough. So this soulless, mindless, blind business is basically saying - if only there was no one on the train.

"The press would write of our brief affair;
they'd paint me (the woman in red) as pathetic."

- Brief affair (death). Woman in red (blood).

"They will not consider how I need your love
or how it pains me so deeply to throw myself at you."

- Desperation for it all to end... throw myself at you is a play on words. Throwing yourself at a train.

"I will not be remembered as a poet warrior.
I'll be the eternal survivor no more."

- No longer eternal survivor = dead.

"All who think of me will shake their bowed heads
and tearfully remark;
If only you were soulless.
If you were mindless, blind,
You wouldn't have been such a bloody disaster."
- People after I am dead wishing I didn't feel things so acutely, and have so many burdens on my shoulders. Bloody disaster is a play on words again.
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:iconthisntme:
Thisntme Featured By Owner Mar 22, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I'm not sure if it's possible or not, but you explaining it made me read it again, and understand just how much deeper these waters are than I can ever hope to imagine.
I can fathom that it has a depth, and that I am far from reaching the bottom, but I'm lost on the exactness of its existence.
Thanks for the explanation- I can only just begin to pretend to understand what you were thinking while writing this now. That's a great leap in comprehension. :rose:
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:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Mar 26, 2013
:] Thank you again. That makes me happy :}
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:iconmaddicat:
maddicat Featured By Owner Mar 13, 2013  Hobbyist
(Please be warned that the following thoughts are very disorganized) This poem is about suicide, a "beautiful disaster". The press would make you sound like a failure, but they don't understand how the feeling grips you. Maybe jumping off a cliff or in front of a car or bleeding to death because of the "bloody disaster". Car and cliff is further proved by "brief affair", or the brief contact before death. Though I'm not sure where the 40810 came from.
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:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Mar 13, 2013
So close, which makes me happy. Well, happy that I worked the language well enough that you could find so many clues, obviously not happy that I had these thoughts.

40810 was written on the side of a train I saw today. ('throw myself at you' was the final clue)
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:iconmaddicat:
maddicat Featured By Owner Mar 13, 2013  Hobbyist
Oh! That makes a lot of sense. Yeah, you ever look at something and think "I could kill myself like that"? I do that a lot. Anyhow, great poem! I love all he little hints you give.
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:iconfoxofebony:
FoxofEbony Featured By Owner Mar 13, 2013
I like how this poem can be read on so many levels and can have different means depending on which level you read :) Great job :D
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:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Mar 22, 2013
Thank you! I love to have hidden meanings if I can. Its like a treasure hunt. Except you don't get chocolate or gold at the end.
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:iconfoxofebony:
FoxofEbony Featured By Owner Mar 22, 2013
You're welcome :D I love reading poems with hidden meanings as it makes it seem like you're reading a new poem every time you read it :D
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:iconastrangeallure:
astrangeallure Featured By Owner Mar 13, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
On first read, I thought it was about having feelings for someone who can't love in return...damaged person, perhaps...then I read your description...I see it now...either way, it reached into me. :heart:
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:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Mar 13, 2013
40810 was written on the side of a train
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:iconastrangeallure:
astrangeallure Featured By Owner Mar 13, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
I was thinking suicide...but stepping in front of a train did not register...but, yes, "throw myself at you"...okay.
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:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Mar 22, 2013
<3
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:iconpaleange1:
paleange1 Featured By Owner Mar 13, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
aren't they all about the same thing.. a clever arrangement of nouns and verbs, written in such a way as to elicit an emotional response from the reader. What it was written about will not necessarily be what it means to me... but I love it. You have great talent. I hope to see and read more from you.
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:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Mar 13, 2013
I agree, I always allow the reader to input their experiences to take what they understand from a piece, but I am curious to see if people think this is a happy or a sad poem. Curious is all.

Thank you! <3
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:iconmagicaljoey:
MagicalJoey Featured By Owner Mar 13, 2013   Writer
:hug:
This is extremely well written and has a lot of hidden messages and meanings (to me at least) that pop up with each read.
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:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Mar 13, 2013
:tighthug: Thank you! I'm glad to hear that :]
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:icontetrisman64:
tetrisman64 Featured By Owner Mar 13, 2013
Nice!
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:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Mar 13, 2013
Yay, thanks!
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:icontetrisman64:
tetrisman64 Featured By Owner Mar 13, 2013
NP
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:iconsvartulf:
Svartulf Featured By Owner Mar 13, 2013   General Artist
You can get through this Kathryn, don't forget we love you and your work. Speaking from experience depression can be a pain in the arse. Never give up my friend, you can see this through.
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:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Mar 13, 2013
:tighthug: I managed to get home safely, so thats good. :tighthug: Thank you so much
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:iconsvartulf:
Svartulf Featured By Owner Mar 13, 2013   General Artist
I'm glad for that, your friends would be all the less whole without you in their lives. Be well and stay beautiful.
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:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Mar 22, 2013
:tears: thank you
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:iconthegalleryofeve:
TheGalleryOfEve Featured By Owner Mar 13, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Ohh dear Kathryn!!! :iconflyingheartsplz::iconaawplz::iconflyingheartsplz: ... If you could only see how precious you are!!! :iconsweethugplz: If you could just see yourself through the eyes of those who love you!!!!!!!! :iconflyingheartsplz::happycry::iconflyingheartsplz: ... You wouldn't feel like this any longer!!! :iconflyingheartsplz::iconsweethugplz::iconflyingheartsplz: ... I don't want to have to "remember" you, my dear ... I want to always be able to read your beautiful, heart touching writings :love: ... But above all Kathryn ... I want to see you live!!! :iconflyingheartsplz::iconflyingheartsplz::iconflyingheartsplz:
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:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Mar 13, 2013
I have no idea how you busted me, I was certain people would think this was a crazy love poem :tighthug: are you psychic?
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:iconthegalleryofeve:
TheGalleryOfEve Featured By Owner Mar 13, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
No Kathryn I'm not a psychic, I just used to write like you do at some point in my life too :iconsweethugplz: ... It was a different "shade of black", but it has given me the ability to read with the eyes of my heart and see the real meaning of certain things!!! :iconflyingheartsplz:
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:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Mar 13, 2013
:tighthug: It's been a hard couple of months but I survived and got home. I guess thats something
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:iconthegalleryofeve:
TheGalleryOfEve Featured By Owner Mar 13, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Indeed it is!!! :nod: Day after day, all those "somethings" will eventually take you to a point where you might even be surprised you could get there!!! :love: But you will, dear :tighthug: There is no doubt in my heart that you will!!! :iconspreadmoreloveplz::iconlainloveplz::iconspreadmoreloveplz:
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:iconxxprophecyunicornxx:
xXProphecyUnicornXx Featured By Owner Mar 13, 2013
i really like this... good job :P
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:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Mar 13, 2013
:] Thank you so much
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