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Writings by Ravenshymn

Literature by FadingGrin

Stories, Poetry by 6-9Changeling


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Submitted on
March 17, 2013
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An untidy circle of golden peaks
with shimmering gems tumbling down
that thrum through with shafts of sun.
How welcomed I feel when I see
the emerald shrug draped about
your fine matriarchal shoulders
reaching out to draw me close.
The sapphiric glint in your eye,
you invite me in and give me shelter.
All through your house you're present
every corner shines antique brass
and the small blemishes I see
only endear you to me further.
Settled on your asparagus bedding,
with the sweep of ruralesque tones
down the front of your stately dress,
Austen's own, I desire you.
I want to steal you.
Pluck you from your landlocked throne
and throw you hard into the minds
of a new generation of romantics
who will bend at the knee and call you
"her Majestic city"
I will thief you in the night
when no one is looking for me -
mark my words as I mark your streets
with my impatient footprints settling;
and soon you will be my very own, Bath.
This is a love letter to a city that has welcomed me, that I find so beautiful, and enchanting. Bath. I go to college here and hope to go to University in this city too in September. Right now it's kind of considered to be Jane Austens.... I'm going to take it from her. Although not with poetry this poor.

This idea has been in my mind for ages but I can't quite get it right, so - to be continued?
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:iconcamelopardalisinblue:
camelopardalisinblue Featured By Owner Mar 24, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
It took a couple of reads and I'll admit I wasn't as sure about this one as I have been with some of your others, but I did like it. I think the ending is a lot stronger than the beginning, especially with lines like

I want to steal you.
Pluck you from your landlocked throne
and throw you hard into the minds
of a new generation of romantics


and I will thief you in the night


On a side note, I do like the city of Bath as well. I went there when I was visiting the UK (and Sweden), and took about a bazillion photographs. :D
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:iconhaphazardmelody:
haphazardmelody Featured By Owner Mar 18, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I love the sentiment here. I know that you feel you can write better than this, but I wish I wrote half as well as you do on my best days. :P I suppose my only comment would be that the flow seems a little stilted, although I love the images you've filled this with, and so an imperfect flow doesn't really bother me here. And I wanted to say this:

"I will thief you in the night"

WHAT a line. I hope that remains when (if) you choose to polish this up.
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:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Mar 18, 2013
It should do, and yes thief was intentional! :D I love it :D
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:iconhaphazardmelody:
haphazardmelody Featured By Owner Mar 18, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Oh I knew it was intentional. :D I just wanted you to know that I think that line is fantastic. (That was an incredibly redundant sentence lol.)
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:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Mar 22, 2013
Thank you so much <3
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:iconkuraitenshiv:
KuraiTenshiV Featured By Owner Mar 17, 2013  Hobbyist
poor, i like it. but then again i like most of your stuff.... Ah well deal with it i loved it =)
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:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Mar 22, 2013
hehe.
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:iconthisntme:
Thisntme Featured By Owner Mar 17, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Hm... sorry, but I think I was in some sort of trance for this poem, because when I got to the end I was like "wait.. where's the poem!?"
[Grammatical note: "I will thief you in the night"- not sure if you purposely meant that, or if you meant "steal". It's always hard to tell with poetry =P]
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:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Mar 22, 2013
lol I can't tell if that is a good or a bad thing. and yes thief you in the night was intentional. I like it!
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:iconthisntme:
Thisntme Featured By Owner Mar 22, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
It is a good thing: you leave your readers wanting more, while sating their thirst for the moment.
"Thief you in the night" - has a nice ring to it... [not to repeat you, but...] I like it! =P
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