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I chew on the blubbery meat of my tongue,
But it revulses
So whenever I swallow I gag.

I try not to inhale the acrid hiss of discontent
That seeps out of the corners of my mouth
And runs a river down my chin;
It reminds me of peaches. I cry.

I have digested the venom
The black rotten root of my own plague;
Ingested it. Injected it. How quick I am to accept death to me.

As organs revolve, revolt, regurgitate
I caged butterflies in my abdomen
As if lushness couldn't catch them there.
I knew better.

I ple'd to the sewn-in stars and their makeshift tenants,
For salvation and for suicide.
They offered neither.

So I sit and stew in these bodily discharges.
Sweat, love, poetry, tears.
Let them pore out of me and penultimately;
(for my salvation hangs with the noose);

Erode me back to the stub of the soul,
That gnarled and raging root.
Who could ever love, a beast.
Ever feel like you might choke on all the things you wont say?

Oh well, another Word for the O'Driscoll archive: "revulses". A mixture of repulses, revulsion. I know revulse is already a word but im overriding it. Shakespeare did it, i do it. So yeah.

I will adjust punctuation when i get to a proper computer, apologies!
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:iconstory-of-a-mind:
Story-of-a-Mind Featured By Owner Jan 12, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I am fascinated by this one. I first read without looking up all the words I did not understand. And even without understanding all the words their sounds and the parts I understood drew me in. Then I looked up those words -with multiple dictionaries- which I had to do because you have such a great pool of words, or as we say in German a great "Wortschatz", a great treasure of words. Then I read it again. Even better, more fascinating. Then I read trough some of the comments -found out why I could not find "to revulse" in any dictionary- and got to the one where you explained the poem. A revelation.

And there is this last sentence I keep reading with twin meanings: "Who could ever love a beast?" , because it is difficult to love a beast and "Who could ever love? A beast!", because a beast knows what hardship is. A beast knows how to love truly, far beyond the surface.
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:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Jan 12, 2013
Smiles, Sorry, I do tend to make up or repurpose words often. On my website I've started a little dictionary but I haven't gone through even a quarter of my work to find the new words and add them to the dictionary yet.

[link]

:nod: I love very deeply because of a big loss in my childhood. So your double meaning is very true for me.
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:iconstory-of-a-mind:
Story-of-a-Mind Featured By Owner Jan 12, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I actually like it if you make up new words. Language is a living thing after all. As long as you explain the ingredients you mixed into them, I will also be able to understand them :)
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:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Jan 13, 2013
Nods. Shakespeare did it and I consider him kin.
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:iconashes-and-snowflakes:
Ashes-and-Snowflakes Featured By Owner Jan 5, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
I can't... Really explain why I like this. But it's intense, and I like that. Your vocabulary is astounding. "So whenever I swallow I gag" , I don't know why, but I really love that line.
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:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Jan 9, 2013
Thank you, it is meant to be intense. I was having an intense and bleak moment
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:iconashes-and-snowflakes:
Ashes-and-Snowflakes Featured By Owner Jan 14, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
You're welcome. Intense moments are very good for writing, I get most of my inspiration from that.
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:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Jan 16, 2013
Me too, its easier to tap into the emotions
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:iconashes-and-snowflakes:
Ashes-and-Snowflakes Featured By Owner Jan 17, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
I have a lot of intense moments, but little inspiration, time, or even motivation, if it doesn't flow right out. Life is difficult, man. XD
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:iconzevais:
Zevais Featured By Owner Jan 5, 2013  Hobbyist
I definitely indenify with this one. Most writings I favorite are writings that I made a creative response to... I think I'll favorite this one even without that.
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:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Jan 9, 2013
Nods. Thank you! I know that, like me, when you are speechless it means a lot!
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:iconshehrozeameen:
shehrozeameen Featured By Owner Jan 5, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
... I'll be honest here... I couldn't relate with this work... the word "revulses" actually describes my reaction after reading this poem...

its not to say that I have issues with this poem; its just that it did manage to get its point through... in a very eerie but blunt sort o' way...
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:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Jan 9, 2013
Ive had some space from this poem so now I can explain more.

"I chew on the blubbery meat of my tongue.." - First stanza is just an extended metaphor playing on the term to bite your tongue (as in, to not say something) and it is what the poem is about. It's graphic and gross because thats how I felt.

"I try not to inhale the acrid hiss of discontent
That seeps out of the corners of my mouth" - I felt like I was being poisoned by all the things I was trying not to say

"As organs revolve, revolt, regurgitate
I caged butterflies in my abdomen
As if lushness couldn't catch them there.
I knew better." - Honestly, this refers to the death of my sister who died in horrific pain. I'd rather not explain how this refers to her because I know the impact of the description has stayed haunting my mind (and poems) ever since and I wouldnt wish that gruesome detail on anyone. But its *okay* not to get it, because this is not an obvious stanza unless you know my life in GREAT detail (aka you are related to me)

"I ple'd to the sewn-in stars and their makeshift tenants,
For salvation and for suicide.
They offered neither." - Makeshift tenants refers to people who have died who watch over me. This bit discusses how I spiral from sadness to suicidal very easily and things often escalate out of control.

"(for my salvation hangs with the noose);" - This is not saying my salvation is death, despite how it looks. It actually references another of my poems Hope and Reality in which I say that hope is the noose that hangs you. So its saying that salvation lies in Hope.

"Erode me back to the stub of the soul,
That gnarled and raging root.
Who could ever love, a beast." - Feeling overexposed by my emotions, feeling dark, unable to escape the conditions that cause my mood to spiral so darkly, and feeling like a monster because I am so different and incapable.
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:iconshehrozeameen:
shehrozeameen Featured By Owner Jan 9, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
... this is one of those few poems... in which I have to save the comment.

Thank you. for the explanation... and for helping me understand you as a person... thank you, just in opening up the way you've done so.

Because I was worried for a minute I was hitting a very sensitive part of you... I hope you feel better, and I hope that life treats you better...
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:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Jan 9, 2013
I've had some rough times and some good times and some god-awful times. The past 12 months I've been tentatively chasing the good times. Even sad days, I remember how far from rock bottom I am (because rock bottom isnt so far in my past) so I don't despair. I just keep on going.

You never need to worry about asking me stuff. It's my personal belief that

a) It's the meaning of my life to positively touch peoples lives
b) Being honest and talking about my experiences can do that if I remain honest with myself and with others through my work.
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:iconshehrozeameen:
shehrozeameen Featured By Owner Jan 9, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
*looking at you*

You're a brave person.
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:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Jan 11, 2013
:heart:
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:iconshehrozeameen:
shehrozeameen Featured By Owner Jan 11, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
:)
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:iconkuraitenshiv:
KuraiTenshiV Featured By Owner Jan 4, 2013  Hobbyist
its good and yeah i do understand the" i need to tell you this, but.." for fear of the backlash or letting them down or the reaction, whatever its most understandable
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:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Jan 5, 2013
:nod: It sucks.

this poem has a lot of obscure references to my life events so it may seem random sometimes lol
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:iconkuraitenshiv:
KuraiTenshiV Featured By Owner Jan 5, 2013  Hobbyist
Guess it's why I follow it so well, I'm severe adhd so random I follow lol, still like it =)
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:iconfoxofebony:
FoxofEbony Featured By Owner Jan 4, 2013
A little dark but something almost everyone can relate to. I love how you've taken revulses and made it your own it gives the poem a unique feel :)
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:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Jan 5, 2013
Thank you! I tend to edit words often. On my website I have started to keep a dictionary loll. I'll add revulses if this poem ever makes it on to there.
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:iconfoxofebony:
FoxofEbony Featured By Owner Jan 5, 2013
Sounds like a great idea :) I like the idea that someday people will be using your words in their own poems :D
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:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Jan 9, 2013
Giggles. One day poor students will be forced to study my life. Mwahahha.
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:iconfoxofebony:
FoxofEbony Featured By Owner Jan 9, 2013
I think they would be lucky to study someone as talented as you :D
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:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Jan 11, 2013
mwahahaha. They will grumble. :D
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