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Submitted on
February 16, 2013
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231 bytes
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643
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36 (who?)
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39
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Under the paprika house,
are the bones of my father
and nestled between rib
and reason, is our love.
and it kills me.
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:iconkiki1690:
kiki1690 Featured By Owner Jul 7, 2013  Student Writer
powerful!
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:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Jul 8, 2013
:) Thank you!
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:iconshehrozeameen:
shehrozeameen Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
... *lowers head* This was a heartfelt work.

After "55 degrees to minus 2 degrees" this has to be another one of your works which keeps that same theme intact.

While that was subtle, this one seems... much more open. And its worth reading every time.
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:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Feb 21, 2013
:tighthug: Thank you, I'm really glad you enjoyed this, and you are right it was heartfelt and painful.
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:iconshehrozeameen:
shehrozeameen Featured By Owner Feb 21, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
*accepts hug* hope you feel better.
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:iconiampoetry:
iamPoetry Featured By Owner Feb 17, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
What a grand opening.
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:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Feb 19, 2013
Thank you! Squee :D
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:iconzevais:
Zevais Featured By Owner Feb 17, 2013  Hobbyist
above the peppered ground
is the flesh of my mother
uncomfortable upon spines
without reason, noone left to hate
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:iconfoxofebony:
FoxofEbony Featured By Owner Feb 17, 2013
This is amazing :D
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:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Feb 19, 2013
:) Thank you
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:iconfoxofebony:
FoxofEbony Featured By Owner Feb 19, 2013
You're welcome :)
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:iconlombregrise:
lombregrise Featured By Owner Feb 17, 2013  Professional Writer
:blackrose:
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:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Feb 19, 2013
:rose:
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:iconthegalleryofeve:
TheGalleryOfEve Featured By Owner Feb 17, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
So powerful, evoking words, my dear Kathryn :tighthug: I think most of us can relate to that feeling :iconflyingheartsplz::iconflyingheartsplz::iconflyingheartsplz:
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:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Feb 19, 2013
:tighthug: Thank you, this just poured out of me.
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:iconthegalleryofeve:
TheGalleryOfEve Featured By Owner Feb 19, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
You're welcome!!! :iconflyingheartsplz::tighthug::iconflyingheartsplz:
Reply
:iconfantasylover103:
fantasylover103 Featured By Owner Feb 16, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
How can such few words have so much effect?

I'll tell you why, because they're beautiful, the way they're laced together perfectly, the simple yet amazing wording, ect. And you wrote it so that adds like 50 extra points. :3
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:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Feb 16, 2013
smiles, thank you! You know me, I like to keep things bare. :D
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:iconfantasylover103:
fantasylover103 Featured By Owner Feb 17, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
It's amazing! :D
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:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Feb 19, 2013
:D :D
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:iconglossolalias:
glossolalias Featured By Owner Feb 16, 2013
i really love this; it's very, very powerful. however, i think it would be more powerful if you removed the commas. they're not necessary.
Reply
:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Feb 19, 2013
I left this in my inbox to remind me to look at it a few days after the fact (when it didnt feel so raw) but I still think the commas are needed. Without them it is just a sentence, but the commas show where I pause when I say it, and it sounds more like someone wondering and trying to explain it to someone. Maybe it would help if I read it aloud with and without the commas?
Reply
:iconglossolalias:
glossolalias Featured By Owner Feb 19, 2013
the thing is, i naturally paused where the commas were without them being there.
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:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Feb 21, 2013
But commas are to show where pauses should be, not to show unnatural pauses, arent they? (Forgive me if I'm wrong, I'm asking because I'm unsure)
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:iconglossolalias:
glossolalias Featured By Owner Feb 21, 2013
in prose; poetry's another animal. and the line breaks also create pauses.
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:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Feb 21, 2013
not with enjambment though. I don't know, I think a comma is a comma in poetry and prose. Either way, just because you and I naturally pause there doesn't mean everyone would, so I think I will leave them in. I don't think they negatively impact the poem by pointing out that there should be a pause there, even if someone naturally pauses there.
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:iconcamelopardalisinblue:
camelopardalisinblue Featured By Owner Feb 16, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
This is simply beautiful.

Thinking of you.
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:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Feb 16, 2013
:tighthug: Hey, thank you. That means a lot, and I'm also really glad that you think this is beautiful, I actually really like it too.
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:iconcamelopardalisinblue:
camelopardalisinblue Featured By Owner Feb 16, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
You're very welcome.

:huggle:
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:iconkuraitenshiv:
KuraiTenshiV Featured By Owner Feb 16, 2013  Hobbyist
Don't die!!!
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:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Feb 16, 2013
I am trying... it just sneaks up on me and puts its hand over my mouth.. I can be singing or smiling at tv... and then theres a fraction of a second of silence and I remember that he's left... and that... I dont blame him...

Sometimes thats such a weight.
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:iconkuraitenshiv:
KuraiTenshiV Featured By Owner Feb 16, 2013  Hobbyist
I understand. I have moments like that enjoying myself and having fun, then a smell or a thought and it hits like a truck. My stomach hits bottom, and I'm sitting there asking what the hell I did or didn't do. I'm not sure if I could blame her. Every one says I should. As for the weight, yeah pulling you spiritually down I guess.... Any way if you need help standing again let me know ill help where I can
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:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Feb 19, 2013
Nods. Thank you again :tighthug:
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:iconkuraitenshiv:
KuraiTenshiV Featured By Owner Feb 19, 2013  Hobbyist
anytime =)
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:iconithaswhatitisnt:
ithaswhatitisnt Featured By Owner Feb 16, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
:wow: This is so small, and so simple, but it speaks volumes! I think this is marvelous! :love:
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:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Feb 16, 2013
Thank you, this burst its way out unexpectedly. I have some other things I want to say but I think I will try to keep them in my head until tomorrow as I've posted three things today.

Thank you, again, for your comment. I write these things out of my genuine mindset, so if they are sad then I am sad, and when people like you post nice things it helps me smile. :tighthug:
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:iconithaswhatitisnt:
ithaswhatitisnt Featured By Owner Feb 16, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
:huggle: I'm glad I helped you smile today! :)
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:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Feb 16, 2013
You really did <3
Reply
:iconithaswhatitisnt:
ithaswhatitisnt Featured By Owner Feb 16, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
:iconawwloveplz:
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