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That afternoon, under a burnt croatian sun,
we flaked our protective shells away
exposing the pink, raw vulnerability
that hid beneath our flanks and fortitude.
We delved systematically into nervousness
and chewed reflectively on our inner cheeks
as self conscious anxiety grew wildfire
across the too-bright landscape of our love.
The bones bleached and brittle, they broke,
and we could not stay together without them.
I don't regret opening my heart to the skies;
what I regret is never getting it back.

♥ Kathryn O'Driscoll © 2013

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:iconsammyxfreak:
it is a pretty good poem. you can get an idea of what it is about without actually about, with it directly being said in the poem. I loved the diction. I love how you had to read the whole thing, think about it and then read it again to make sure you knew what it was about. Awesome vocabulary. I love the words creation, and delved. you don't see them too often. it is a poem, describing a relationship without using the typical words that most writers use when they write a poem on this topic. you put in a beautiful way, and you let the reader think, which most poets of our age, don't allow their readers to do. I absolutely love it.
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
6 out of 7 deviants thought this was fair.

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:iconrainbow-slash-pegasi:
Rainbow-Slash-Pegasi Featured By Owner Sep 18, 2013
Wow... Very well written...
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:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Sep 22, 2013
:D Thank you so much!
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:iconfrancis-gray:
Francis-Gray Featured By Owner Sep 15, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Absolutely wonderful poem, a perfect blend of voice and imagery. I am most certainly in envy of your talent!
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:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Sep 20, 2013
:D Gosh, thank you so much <3
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:iconlupus-astra:
lupus-astra Featured By Owner Sep 12, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Well shit.

Raw in more than one sense.
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:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Sep 15, 2013
:tighthug: Thank you
Reply
:iconpoeticperfectionist:
poeticperfectionist Featured By Owner Sep 11, 2013   Writer
The ending packs a punch, and the rest has lovely imagery. Well done.
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:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Sep 15, 2013
:tighthug: Thank you so much!
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:iconpoeticperfectionist:
poeticperfectionist Featured By Owner Sep 16, 2013   Writer
Anytime! :)
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:iconsimplysilent:
SimplySilent Featured By Owner Sep 11, 2013
Gorgeously written! The last line was especially wonderfully done! :clap:
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:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Sep 11, 2013
:eager: I'm excited you like this!!
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:iconkoppo:
Koppo Featured By Owner Sep 10, 2013
Love that last line. I think each time a piece of us that is shared, is one we never get back. That's why I don't share . Quick flow, but nicely written.
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:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Sep 11, 2013
Nods, thank you!
Reply
:iconedwinsatsuma:
EdwinSatsuma Featured By Owner Sep 10, 2013  Professional Artist
I like the slight ambiguity of meaning; the sun could be a metaphor for honesty, vulnerability, society or plenty of other things. This invites readers to engage with the poem instead of simply observe it as an event from someone else's life. I wonder if the clarity of the poem and its impact would be helped by splitting it into three 4 line stanzas? That said, the nervous confusion and enjambment of the second stanza is good. The last two lines are powerful, and the first line is engaging. In all a good poem!
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:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Sep 11, 2013
It might help the clarity, you're right. I'll think it over. Usually I do divide things up but this one felt like a big rush (in the way it was read in my head). So Im not sure.

Anyway, thank you so much!!
Reply
:iconruntofthelitter:
RuntOfTheLitter Featured By Owner Sep 10, 2013
''I don't regret opening my heart to the skies;
what I regret is never getting it back.''


"Don't mind if I fall apart, there's MORE ROOM in a BROKEN heart"

(Song: 'Coming Around Again' -  By: Carly Simon)


SUPERB writing above! ROTL
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:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Sep 10, 2013
Aw, thank you!!
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:iconvalgeronk:
valgeronk Featured By Owner Sep 10, 2013
a cliche, made readable and forsed to think (wether i want to or not). thank you.Love
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:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Sep 10, 2013
:tighthug: thank you!
Reply
:iconbahama-dreams:
Bahama-dreams Featured By Owner Sep 9, 2013
This is a good piece full of a different kind of imagery than the norm. I liked the natural references. I do have one question. Is the word hit supposed to be hid?
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:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Sep 9, 2013
Yes! Thank you ! Fixed now !
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:iconbahama-dreams:
Bahama-dreams Featured By Owner Sep 9, 2013
Glad to help!
Reply
:iconwarriorcats16678:
warriorcats16678 Featured By Owner Sep 9, 2013  Student Writer
That's really good. Creative, too.
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:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Sep 9, 2013
:D Thank you!!
Reply
:iconfoxofebony:
FoxofEbony Featured By Owner Sep 9, 2013
I love the way you've ended this, it's the perfect twist on the classic love story :D
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:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Sep 9, 2013
:love: Thank you! :))
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:iconfoxofebony:
FoxofEbony Featured By Owner Sep 9, 2013
You're welcome :D
Reply
:iconmagicaljoey:
MagicalJoey Featured By Owner Sep 9, 2013   Writer
Wow (again). I love how you've taken love and made it so not cliche anc hearty-flowery-diabetically sweet.
Great job ducks. :heart:
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:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Sep 9, 2013
:love: God, what a compliment! Thank you!!
Reply
:iconmagicaljoey:
MagicalJoey Featured By Owner Sep 9, 2013   Writer
:tighthug:
Wish I could write like you - but I know I have to be satisfied with what I have now and build upon it. Your use of enjambment and where to stick it in is amazing and your diction and vocabulary as well as juxtaposition is just phnominal (that could be spelled wrong).
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:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Sep 9, 2013
If you like I could run an excercise with you? 
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:iconmagicaljoey:
MagicalJoey Featured By Owner Sep 9, 2013   Writer
That would be cool.
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:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Sep 9, 2013
Let me know when you have ten minutes without distractions
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:iconmagicaljoey:
MagicalJoey Featured By Owner Sep 9, 2013   Writer
Do you have skype?
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Hidden by Owner
(1 Reply)
:iconghostoftheemptygrave:
GhostOfTheEmptyGrave Featured By Owner Sep 9, 2013
I love the imagery of this poem. And the last 2 verses are wonderful.
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:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Sep 9, 2013
:love: Yay, I'm so pleased! Personally I like the first line the most :giggle: <333 Thanks
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:iconghostoftheemptygrave:
GhostOfTheEmptyGrave Featured By Owner Sep 9, 2013
Hum, the ending just had more impact on me.
You're welcome.
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:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Sep 9, 2013
Oh I wasn't saying I was mad :giggle: Just that I was surprised. I'm glad we like different bits most because it means that the end isnt weaker than the beginning. Thats good :D
Reply
:iconghostoftheemptygrave:
GhostOfTheEmptyGrave Featured By Owner Sep 9, 2013
I know. I didn't mean I deslike the beginning as well. :)
Reply
:iconkreistina26:
Kreistina26 Featured By Owner Sep 9, 2013  Student Traditional Artist
Love the imagery and the rhythm! Wonderful piece. 
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:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Sep 9, 2013
:D Yay, thank you so much!
Reply
:iconcskadoz:
cskadoz Featured By Owner Sep 9, 2013   General Artist
:clap: great sense of "overwhelm"
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:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Sep 9, 2013
:D yay! thanks!
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:iconphantasm1:
Phantasm1 Featured By Owner Sep 9, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I like how the rhythm of this one goes. Kind of all rushed but still working out in the end.
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:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Sep 9, 2013
:love: Thank you, yes it was kind of like a stream of consciousness confessional style :D
Reply
:iconphantasm1:
Phantasm1 Featured By Owner Sep 9, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
You're welcome :) Those are neat :)
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