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Writings by Ravenshymn

ENGLISH LANGUAGE by lombregrise

Literature by FadingGrin


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Submitted on
June 30, 2013
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I carbonise.
My brittle bones turn
into pencil lead
and etch and ache against me.
I break open my elbow
and scrawl onto the walls
with the charcoal beneath.
I comprise
a cave drawing of my end
onto a blistered skin
of plaster and mortar.
I rub blackened bone
to make sparks flutter
and bounce across the brickwork
You chastise.
Carbonise, you keep using that word but I think it does not mean what you think it means. (meme's. ha.)


Just a thought about pouring yourself into your work and having people criticising or angry at you for it. My whole life people have asked me not to talk about anger or sadness. My poetry is the one place I can do that. It's sacred to me that way. But I do know that some of those people hate when I write.. and that makes me sad, but I have to.
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:iconalicebloodthorn2294:
I would not call this a critique, but it could be taken as one, in any way, a mere comment could be considered a critique.
Anyway, this poem is, to me, a piece of pure art, along with all your other writings that I have read. With each piece, this one included, I can actually feel an emotion, when most of the times, I think I feel something but I know that I am incapable of relating due to the fact that the artist doesn't seem to put their soul into their work.
I actually KNOW that you do just by reading this one little poem, a piece of art that had a huge impact.
You are talented and deserve every of your watchers.
I might only be a young writer, but I know what you mean when you say that people tell you what not to write.

Don't ever stop.
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
5 out of 5 deviants thought this was fair.

:iconi3r0k3n7feet:
For me, I hate the word 'Taboo', honestly, there is nothing I wouldn't write about, no matter how offensive or shocking it may be. While I understand the power in words and the responsibility a writer bares, the responsibility expected or placed on the writer is often misplaced, misunderstood and unfair. Readers need to take more responsibility unto themselves in knowing that if they are someone who may be easily be disturbed and by reading flavoursome writing they suffer emotional turbulence, then surely they should not be intentionally reading provocative material and blaming the writer.

'I carbonise.'

'I comprise'

'You chastise.'

Carbonise is a tortured retort telling the reader of turmoil and devotion that is put into each and every piece of art whether they appreciate the piece or not. Many look to artists, performers and entertainers as a source of many emotions and indeed there are people who expect happiness and joy to be part of that repertoire.

The imagery is distinct and tells of desperation and the need to express ones entire being in anyway possible. The likeness of burnt bone to charcoal, the atmosphere created by contrasting living flesh to brick, plaster and mortar.

The most powerful line, I find, is

'I rub blackened bone
to make sparks flutter
and bounce across the brickwork'

This to me shows a certain prowess in the writing 'rubbing bone to make sparks flutter' depicts a conscious futility when likened to creating a fire. Yet, the 'sparks' of emotion, read in context, are very real. The brickwork is, of course, the writer's being, having 'blistered skin of plaster and mortar', and this is where we find the motive and anger.

Effectively saying
'I torture and endure to create a reason for myself to live, and you have the audacity to tell me I shouldn't do such a thing!?

An important message that should be well received by all readers!
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
5 out of 5 deviants thought this was fair.

The Artist has requested Critique on this Artwork

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:iconschnitzelyne:
Schnitzelyne Featured By Owner Jul 12, 2013  Hobbyist Photographer
Very interesting and well written. The first lines immediately caught my attention :)
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BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Jul 12, 2013
:D yay!
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:icontoatepsak:
ToaTepsak Featured By Owner Jul 8, 2013  Student Traditional Artist
...Every time I read your stuff I think I've found my favorite poem by you. Then I read another and find I was mistaken. Well, maybe that's not the right word. More that each time I read something new I add a favorite.

Would you mind terribly if I drew something off of this??
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:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Jul 12, 2013
:giggle: Of course not I'd love that!
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:icontoatepsak:
ToaTepsak Featured By Owner Jul 12, 2013  Student Traditional Artist
Awesome!! I just have some contest projects to finish and then I'll get started! :dance:
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:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Jul 12, 2013
:love: Sweet!
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:iconpaleange1:
paleange1 Featured By Owner Jul 5, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
You paint a picture with words. Your words are for you and we are blessed that you share.
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BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Jul 8, 2013
:blush: Gosh, thank you so much! You are too kind!
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:iconnekonekogirl997:
NekoNekoGirl997 Featured By Owner Jul 2, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Doll, some of us do love ya for showing yourself like that.
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:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Jul 4, 2013
:love: and I am so grateful for you guys!
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