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Submitted on
September 28, 2013
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50 (who?)
Walking the tripwire
between not glorifying suicide
and not patronising people
with the lie; I would never
- I suck in my nausea and fight
not to close my eyes as I
balance -----/--
vulnerable and afraid
in front of my tenderhucked audience.
Their eyes pluck out
and give an attentive
standing ovation as I exhale
and stagger forward
        - a shout,
          a cry,
a fall -
and for a moment
I wonder if there is
a safety net there for me at all,
and if my devoted audience
would prefer to see my
neck//shatter on stage.
If you are one of my regular watchers then you may have read part one in this series of poetry; Circus: The Bearded Woman. This series is me exploring aspects of myself that I don't like, or that I am ashamed of, by likening them to circus performers or acts. It's raw and scary and I never know whether or not to put out on the Eternal Interwebs the things that hurt me the most - but I do it anyway because it might help me, but more importantly it might help one of you. To know you aren't alone.

This poem is about being a poet, the hard part, the hard part of this series in fact. Which is that I work really hard to be honest with you guys (See: Shame, In The Bath and The Bearded Woman if you want to see this) but its really hard knowing with poetry when trying to be honest about how I feel might accidentally encourage someone to do something bad. Or feel something bad. It's quite a lot of pressure. To be honest but censor yourself just enough so you don't do any harm...

Two more new words! You can view my dictionary here to see the others but today we have tenderhucked now I was going to write tenderhooked here but the hucked sound reminded me of scooping out peach pits from the inside and also 'cuckholding' (similar sounds I suppose?) and it gave me a more onomatopoeiac version of the word that I preferred. So I hope you'll indulge me. We also have funambulance which comes from the word funambulism which means tightrope walking. I was trying to find the name for the person in the show who walks the tightrope or high wires and when I saw this word funambulism I knew I wanted it, but the poem itself was already written. So it became a playful but morbid title meaning participating in funambulism - which I think suits the poem?

♥ Kathryn O'Driscoll © 2013

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Congratulations on your DLD! :clap:
Thank you! I'm delighted!!
Undomiel321 Oct 10, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
So impressive! Congrats on the DLD. This deserves it. And I like how "ambulance" can also be found in your title, which is something the speaker might need if there is in fact no safety net. :D (Big Grin) 
Thank you so much! and that is true!
Anyone who can come up with his/her own words and have them make sense piques my interest.  I am curious about your use of punctuation.  I haven't read anything else of yours so I don't know if this is something you use a lot, but can I ask- do you tend to use punctuation and line breaks more for visual or for caesura, etc?
Grins. I do tend to mix it up... but only where it makes sense to me. I can't really explain it. Like in this one it shows the scrunching up of a packet of tablets, both the sound and the feeling... and… here its used as a tally of her scars.

I make up words, reappropriate old words... but only if I think the reader will understand it on a first reading. It's not meant to be a code.

Your wonderful literary work has been chosen to be featured by DailyLitDeviations in a news article that can be found here dailylitdeviations.deviantart.…

Be sure to check out the other artists featured and show your support by :+fav:ing the News Article.

Keep writing and keep creating.

I said this on the article but just in case --- thank you
DeaconStrucktor Oct 3, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
This is a wonderful meditation on an important point. One that applies to all artists, and subject matters. When dealing with issues that are "unpleasant" or taboo, where do we draw the line as to what is acceptable? What are the consequences of presenting a contentious viewpoint or opinion in art? The flip-side is also relevant, which topics that are commonly accepted should be questioned?

Ultimately, you should find comfort in the fact that each individual is responsible for their own actions (regardless of whether they believe that or not). People may claim that the lyrics to a song made them commit atrocities, but that is mere self-deception and scape-goating. I have yet to read one of your works that glorifies self-harm.

Returning to the poem, I liked the inclusion of the graphical symbols (dashes and hyphen) as well as the bit of vertical drift in "a shout, a cry, a fall". I wonder whether some re-arranging of text might make those two elements stronger in combination (either by taking the block text from between them and placing it elsewhere, or perhaps extracting the two sections as a sort of sidebar to the poem) Regardless, this is yet another well-crafted piece, with some cool new additions to the English language :thumbsup::)

P.S. Know that none of us wish to see you shatter. :hug:
:tighthug: Thank you so much, particuarly f or this last line. I know I didnt reply sooner (FLU OF DOOM) but I really was touched by it.
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