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Submitted on
August 7, 2013
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512 bytes


65 (who?)
The underside of my heart
has rusted through the shell.
Smooth tissue hangs, sodden,
through the ring of oxidised needles.

The frantic muscle
takes on water, tries not to drown,
in the body of fluids
you spat into my chest cavity.

Heavy barnacles of regret
cluster cancerously 'round 'til,
like all else, they disintegrate
with the acidic memory of you.

♥ Kathryn O'Driscoll © 2013

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i found this,interesting. i like how kathryn used a metallic object, and not just any metal. copper was an excellent choice for this setting, for it shows the character isn't some valuable rich metal - copper is a metal of common worth, representing the life and thoughts of any and every human being. the heavy barnacles of regret really hit me - this made me realize that regret isn't a subtle emotion. it's something bigger, and stays with you until you find a way to destoy it.

i say, this poem was very original, a bit short, and a giant leap toward a great career!
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The Artist thought this was FAIR
4 out of 4 deviants thought this was fair.

I think the use of imagery here is very original, but also very consistent through out the poem. The poem is also very melodic, the cacophony of the lines; "Heavy barnacles of regret/cluster cancerously" is effective in showing the author's disgust, and regret. It flows very well, maintaining a nice, even rhythm, that speeds up in places, almost as if to show emotion (most likely anger). On a personal note, the poem resonated well with me, as I felt I could relate to it (thus raising the impact). I enjoyed this poem , and it is one that I will continue to come back to time and time again for inspiration with my own work, as I found the style of writing very beautiful.
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The Artist thought this was FAIR
1 out of 1 deviants thought this was fair.

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DamagedHomewrecker Aug 15, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
love the imagery
:D Fantastic! Thank you :D
sherbetblooms Aug 15, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
ouch. this hurts. but my goodness, it's so hypnotizingly pretty.
It hurt to write, but I'm thrilled you enjoyed it
DragonsChest Aug 9, 2013  Professional Writer
A true pleasure to read...
:blush: Thank you so much! :o
DragonsChest Aug 10, 2013  Professional Writer
SMAdams Aug 9, 2013  Student Writer
A great process of thought with this piece. Imagery is spot on. Fantastically done! :heart:
:tighthug: Thank you so much, gosh!
SMAdams Aug 10, 2013  Student Writer
My pleasure! :rose:
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