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The underside of my heart
has rusted through the shell.
Smooth tissue hangs, sodden,
through the ring of oxidised needles.

The frantic muscle
takes on water, tries not to drown,
in the body of fluids
you spat into my chest cavity.

Heavy barnacles of regret
cluster cancerously 'round 'til,
like all else, they disintegrate
with the acidic memory of you.

♥ Kathryn O'Driscoll © 2013

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:iconparkcity:
i found this,interesting. i like how kathryn used a metallic object, and not just any metal. copper was an excellent choice for this setting, for it shows the character isn't some valuable rich metal - copper is a metal of common worth, representing the life and thoughts of any and every human being. the heavy barnacles of regret really hit me - this made me realize that regret isn't a subtle emotion. it's something bigger, and stays with you until you find a way to destoy it.

i say, this poem was very original, a bit short, and a giant leap toward a great career!
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
4 out of 4 deviants thought this was fair.

:iconbethor15:
I think the use of imagery here is very original, but also very consistent through out the poem. The poem is also very melodic, the cacophony of the lines; "Heavy barnacles of regret/cluster cancerously" is effective in showing the author's disgust, and regret. It flows very well, maintaining a nice, even rhythm, that speeds up in places, almost as if to show emotion (most likely anger). On a personal note, the poem resonated well with me, as I felt I could relate to it (thus raising the impact). I enjoyed this poem , and it is one that I will continue to come back to time and time again for inspiration with my own work, as I found the style of writing very beautiful.
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
1 out of 1 deviants thought this was fair.

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:icondamagedhomewrecker:
DamagedHomewrecker Featured By Owner Aug 15, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
love the imagery
Reply
:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Aug 18, 2013
:D Fantastic! Thank you :D
Reply
:iconsherbetblooms:
sherbetblooms Featured By Owner Aug 15, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
ouch. this hurts. but my goodness, it's so hypnotizingly pretty.
Reply
:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Aug 18, 2013
It hurt to write, but I'm thrilled you enjoyed it
Reply
:icondragonschest:
DragonsChest Featured By Owner Aug 9, 2013  Professional Writer
A true pleasure to read...
Reply
:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Aug 10, 2013
:blush: Thank you so much! :o
Reply
:icondragonschest:
DragonsChest Featured By Owner Aug 10, 2013  Professional Writer
:icongreendragon::iconwelcome1plz::iconwelcome2plz::iconwelcome3plz::iconwelcome4plz:
Reply
:iconpennedinwhite:
PennedinWhite Featured By Owner Aug 9, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
A great process of thought with this piece. Imagery is spot on. Fantastically done! :heart:
Reply
:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Aug 10, 2013
:tighthug: Thank you so much, gosh!
Reply
:iconpennedinwhite:
PennedinWhite Featured By Owner Aug 10, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
My pleasure! :rose:
Reply
:iconuntamedunwanted:
UntamedUnwanted Featured By Owner Aug 9, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
This gorgeous work was featured here: untamedunwanted.deviantart.com…
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:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Aug 10, 2013
Thank you!!
Reply
:iconuntamedunwanted:
UntamedUnwanted Featured By Owner Aug 9, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Kathryn, this is stunning. Your work evokes the deepest of emotions and I cannot help but think of a love that was unfair when I read the last line of your poem. Beautiful work. :)
Reply
:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Aug 10, 2013
Nods, this poem (For me) was about my first relationship with someone who was less than savoury, shall we say. :tighthug: Thank you so much
Reply
:iconuntamedunwanted:
UntamedUnwanted Featured By Owner Aug 10, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I know how that feels. Why are there so many not nice people in the world? :(
Reply
:iconlupus-astra:
lupus-astra Featured By Owner Aug 8, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
You used the right words to evoke emotion...and I love this one. I think it's one of my favorites. I just love the way you compared this to a metal. Especially copper. I love copper. It's so cool.
Reply
:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Aug 10, 2013
Gosh! Thank you :D I'm surprised how much people like this one :D
Reply
:iconparkcity:
ParkCity Featured By Owner Aug 7, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
NAILED IT! OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
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:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Aug 10, 2013
laughs
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:iconparkcity:
ParkCity Featured By Owner Aug 10, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
?

Reply
:icontarosmyr:
TarosMyr Featured By Owner Aug 7, 2013   Writer
I thought we cleared this matter of you writing about my life...? ;)

J/k. Wonderful images.
Reply
:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Aug 10, 2013
:giggle:
Reply
:iconpopcornsalt:
PopCornSalt Featured By Owner Aug 7, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Damn. That was beautiful.
Reply
:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Aug 10, 2013
yay! :D Thanks :D
Reply
:iconxxxxzz:
XxXXzZ Featured By Owner Aug 7, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Very powerful imagery!
Reply
:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Aug 10, 2013
Thank you!
Reply
:iconmagicaljoey:
MagicalJoey Featured By Owner Aug 7, 2013   Writer
You are one hell of a word manipulator and emotion-puller-outer.
Reply
:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Aug 10, 2013
:tighthug:
Reply
:iconchromeantennae:
chromeantennae Featured By Owner Aug 7, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Your work is ever so-stunnung, Kate. :love:
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:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Aug 10, 2013
d'aww thanks :D
Reply
:iconchromeantennae:
chromeantennae Featured By Owner Aug 10, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
My pleasure as always, Kathryn. :huggle:
Reply
:iconcskadoz:
cskadoz Featured By Owner Aug 7, 2013   General Artist
:hug: very moving, great imagery.
Reply
:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Aug 10, 2013
:tighthug: Thank you!
Reply
:iconindecentseas:
InDecentSeas Featured By Owner Aug 7, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
If this were the Aliens universe, this would be a poem about a cyborg who has been incubated by a facehugger. :rofl:
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:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Aug 10, 2013
True.
Reply
:iconzolozaku:
zolozaku Featured By Owner Aug 7, 2013
very nice
Reply
:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Aug 10, 2013
Thanks!
Reply
:iconieatrosepetals:
ieatrosepetals Featured By Owner Aug 7, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Wah there was so much imagery in this.. of the beautiful sort!
I think the last stanza was my absolute favorite though.
You're so talented with words... :heart:
Reply
:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Aug 10, 2013
:D Goodness, :blush: Thank you :D
Reply
:iconieatrosepetals:
ieatrosepetals Featured By Owner Aug 10, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
You're welcome :)
Reply
:iconladyneytiri:
LadyNeytiri Featured By Owner Aug 7, 2013  Student General Artist
This has to be one of my favorites of yours :D :la:
(not including the Stitches series tho)
Although I love all your work :heart:

Bah I'm so tired it took me four times to spell work correctly -.-
Reply
:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Aug 10, 2013
:love: gosh thank you! yay :D
Reply
:iconladyneytiri:
LadyNeytiri Featured By Owner Aug 10, 2013  Student General Artist
Mhmm, you are most welcome! :D :heart:
Reply
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