Such things are not fun to deal with. After-shocks and tremours, psychological rifts that never quite mend. Oh yes, and then there's the cognitive dissonance between form and substance, spirit and mind.
Flesh is a temporary thing. It probably means nothing from a stranger, but it's a lesson learned hardly, and one hardly learned at all. Flesh is flesh and a part of the natural order, sometimes we must let it guide us. When we attempt to reshape it to our whim, we can lose touch with the anchors of our soul and feel quite lost. Beauty is a plastic thing, my dear. I recommend you study the differential opinions of beauty. Perhaps in learning that the false standard we live with is so heavily propagandised, you might gain me clarity. It helped me, though I struggle still.
I am sorry that this kind of dysfunction has poisoned the clouds of your spiritual horizon, for what it's worth.