Shop Mobile More Submit  Join Login
×

:iconbloodshotink: More from BloodshotInk


Featured in Collections

Stories, Poetry by 6-9Changeling

Literature by crashmypartyhard


More from DeviantArt



Details

Submitted on
June 19, 2013
File Size
1.6 KB
Link
Thumb

Stats

Views
1,673
Favourites
102 (who?)
Comments
57
×
i.

you took my hand 'neath the magnolia
at a christmas dinner party I held.
your mouth was cold. so were my affections.


ii.

you were the first man to listen to me.
i let you listen to my heartbeat; but
when the day fell away, you bruised me deep.


iii.

you were my safe harbour, and i your storm
turning your misery to naught but air
but i squirmed away from your tongue, repulsed.


iv.

you were my cradle, when i couldn't sleep
you would hold me close and pray for something,
anything, to keep me safe. (it was you).


v.

eleven months spent sleeping with my phone,
i still couldn't believe when you kissed me
even after midnight struck us again.


vi.

i don't miss those guitar-player fingers
you wrapped me 'round. i loved enough for you
until i realised you didn't love me.


vii.

we fell into our love by accident
and like one, there were some fatalities
when you said you loved me using her name.


viii.

opposites attract. i fell hard for you.
you kissed me in starlit castle ruins.
we parted, you're still the guy i fell for.


ix.

you asked me to wed, our first month of love
i asked you to try. our last chance, we broke.
i will never heal from the loss of us.
I saw something similar somewhere but now do not remember where, but they did it with haiku's. I didn't fancy doing more haiku's but I wanted to restrict the syllables so that each person got the same amount of space, no matter my feelings for them now. So each line is ten syllables (in my accents anyway, I doubt it will be in anyone elses lol).

This was hard to write, four of these pains still hurt badly. I bear a lot of scars from them. Some are good memories, some are bad.

Perhaps this isn't my most inventive work, or my deepest, but its experimenting. so I'm sharing.....

and if you are one of these boys, then there's a 7 in 9 chance I don't regret any of it ♥
Add a Comment:
 

The Artist has requested Critique on this Artwork

Please sign up or login to post a critique.

:iconarteater1:
arteater1 Featured By Owner Nov 5, 2013
What a wonderful talent you have...
I just wish I would have had a space in here as well.
 I would have liked space number X in fact ,so you'd see the misery of some and the beauty of a few, making it easier to appreciate myself.
 It would have been the mountain top of my life is my guess..... the defining time by which all others are measured.
 I surely would have been a challenge, making it impossible to view us with just 10 syllables.

The only thing I regret, is not being able to love with everything inside me...all the time.
I'm still learning to be, a better human being.

You're a wonderful writer and my sense is, one that has suffered greatly in life....to feel so deeply, means to have been hurt the same.
Reply
:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Nov 9, 2013
:giggle: Gosh, thank you so much :tighthug:
Reply
:iconblackcat19964:
blackcat19964 Featured By Owner Sep 10, 2013  Student Writer
This is really good
Reply
:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Sep 10, 2013
yay! Thanks :d
Reply
:iconthebloodyepicpumpkin:
TheBloodyEpicPumpkin Featured By Owner Aug 6, 2013  Student Writer
Hello! I just wanted to let you know that I used your title in my title poem, We Traded Our Hearts for Stars.

thebloodyepicpumpkin.deviantar…
Reply
:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Aug 7, 2013
awesome! thanks!
Reply
:iconsammur-amat:
Sammur-amat Featured By Owner Jul 21, 2013   General Artist
such moving little snippets. :love:
goodness, you are such a stunning soul! :tighthug:
Reply
:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Jul 24, 2013
:blush: shudduppppp <3
Reply
:iconbunnehs111:
BUNNEHS111 Featured By Owner Jul 9, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Sometimes I wonder if I'm missing something in life. So many people have amazing pieces about break ups, but I have been dating the same boy since seventh grade, and our relationship is still awesome. I wish I could write a poem about it, but mild contentment and happiness doesn't really make a poem :P
Reply
:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Jul 12, 2013
Haha yes that's a problem I have. I get bored with contentment. DAMNIT.
Reply
:iconbunnehs111:
BUNNEHS111 Featured By Owner Jul 12, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I tried to write a journal about mild contentment and it, erm, didn't turn out well ^^; It's the first work I've written I actually dislike completely. Oh well, just remember not to write about mild happiness in the future :P
Reply
:icondeffx69:
Deffx69 Featured By Owner Jul 5, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
This is great. Not only does it manage to capture emotion, but it's done with minimal lines. It's not often you see good work like this, well done. And I wish you the best of luck in love. :)
Reply
:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Jul 8, 2013
Smiles, thank you so much!! <33
Reply
:iconsgtpossum:
SgtPossum Featured By Owner Jul 2, 2013
Interesting. It's not often you see a piece that reflects on one's past lovers. Sometimes I insert them into stories, but there's a great emotional power in what you've done here. Great stuff.

Love makes us all old.
Reply
:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Jul 4, 2013
:D Thank you so much! I'm thrilled people enjoyed this. 
Reply
:iconneonsquiggle:
neonsquiggle Featured By Owner Jun 28, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
This is lovely. I like the concept a great deal. Some parts of it are a bit too blunt, but you wrote these words with your heart, and I can feel it.
Reply
:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Jul 4, 2013
:D I am quite blunt usually. :giggle:
Reply
:iconhaphazardmelody:
haphazardmelody Featured By Owner Jun 23, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I think #7 is my favorite.
Reply
:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Jun 27, 2013
:D
Reply
:iconnettananners:
NettaNanners Featured By Owner Jun 23, 2013
"your mouth was cold. so were my affections."
I openly laughed at that, what a clever line.

Really great imagery btw
Reply
:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Jun 27, 2013
haha, thank you!!
Reply
:iconsingagainsoon:
singagainsoon Featured By Owner Jun 22, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
this is gorgeous, and i can relate to a lot of the feelings in this. i might do something like this, too! c:
Reply
:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Jun 27, 2013
:love: Awesome!
Reply
:iconkmusicdreamer:
KMusicDreamer Featured By Owner Jun 22, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
I love this so much. It makes me want to do one. O.o
Reply
:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Jun 27, 2013
:D Try it! :D Thanks :}
Reply
:iconkmusicdreamer:
KMusicDreamer Featured By Owner Jun 28, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Okay. :) I'll put your page in the description then.
Reply
:icona-lovely-anxiety:
A-Lovely-Anxiety Featured By Owner Jun 21, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
ah, yes, I wrote something called "a haiku for every song you sang me" in which I wrote a haiku about every boy I had dated. It was inspired by ohsparrowsong's piece where she wrote a haiku for every man she slept with. A great piece, in which I turned into my own. And it's lovely to see your own.

it's a beautiful piece and I can feel your heartbreak and happiness rolling off each verse. I think it's just... beauty at it's finest. And I like how even though you didn't use haiku structure, you still gave them all ten syllables. It's great.

Good work, as usual c:
Reply
:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Jun 21, 2013
It was a piece I saw this week, but maybe they were inspired by those things. I like the concept alot! :love: !
Reply
:iconwinterleave:
WinterLeave Featured By Owner Jun 20, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
beautiful!
Reply
:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Jun 22, 2013
:D Thanks!
Reply
:iconwinterleave:
WinterLeave Featured By Owner Jun 22, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
you're welcome!
Reply
:iconprussianpersephone:
PrussianPersephone Featured By Owner Jun 20, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
It's better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all.

sobs because she's a lonely cat lady who's never been kissed or even been hit on by a guy or anything romantic

But damn, I really like this one. :heart:
Reply
:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Jun 20, 2013
I think it's impossible to say that. Because no one has simultaneously loved and lost AND never loved at all, so they are not comparable.

Thanks!
Reply
:iconcrecy:
Crecy Featured By Owner Jun 20, 2013
I like this...
Reply
:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Jun 20, 2013
:) Awesome! Thanks!
Reply
:iconghostoftheemptygrave:
Cheer up. At least you've been into relationships. Not everybody is that lucky. One way love is the only kind of love I know.
Reply
:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Jun 20, 2013
Blinks
Reply
:icondeviatedone:
deviatedone Featured By Owner Jun 20, 2013  Student General Artist
Good luck with the next one; it's not over yet! :wave:
Reply
:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Jun 20, 2013
haha thanks!
Reply
:icondeviatedone:
deviatedone Featured By Owner Jun 21, 2013  Student General Artist
You're very welcome.
Reply
:iconphilotanus666:
Philotanus666 Featured By Owner Jun 20, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I think that the music I'm listening at the moment had something to do with how sad I felt this was, really nice but heart-breaking :'(

Wounds will heal, eventually =)
Reply
:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Jun 20, 2013
:tighthug: Let's hope so!
Reply
:iconsognatoreviolento:
SognatoreViolento Featured By Owner Jun 19, 2013
I really like these. They are all very poignant.
Reply
:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Jun 19, 2013
Gosh, thank you, I wasn't sure. They are so personal. It is really hard to summarise a relationship in 30 syllables. haha.
Reply
:iconsognatoreviolento:
SognatoreViolento Featured By Owner Jun 19, 2013
It's hard to summarize anything emotion into 30 syllables. :)
Reply
:iconfenderfanatic32:
fenderfanatic32 Featured By Owner Jun 19, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
I wish i had something more insightful to say other than, "wow, I really liked this" but wow, I really liked this
Reply
:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Jun 19, 2013
Well that is just lovely! :D Thank you so much :} It means a lot to me !
Reply
:iconnekonekogirl997:
NekoNekoGirl997 Featured By Owner Jun 19, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
This is heart breaking,
Reply
:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Jun 19, 2013
If you think this is bad then do notttt read Spellbound. :giggle:

:blowkiss:

It's not all bad. I love love, and I believe in it. I believe it's worth the pain. I just also happen to believe that some of these things created permenant chasms of sadness, and some things can't be fixed all the way.
Reply
:iconnekonekogirl997:
NekoNekoGirl997 Featured By Owner Jun 19, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I understand quite well. Just read what I just posted.
Reply
Add a Comment: