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Freshman by littleblueraccoon

The Library - Poetry Section by SCFrankles

Literature by rafun1312

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Submitted on
February 16, 2013
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1.3 KB


169 (who?)
[ I met him at the county fair.
It wasn't like the songs predicted;
I had mud up my shins and he
had grass in his hair. What a mess. ]

[ I kissed him at my grandma's house.
He swallowed me and digested me;
I became a part of his simmering self.
We fused together, and I died. ]

[ I married him in a triangular church,
When I turned up in white he grinned
and whispered "what, no muddy knees?".
I put a leaf from my bouquet in his hair. ]

[ He kissed her at my grandma's house.
She had left it to us when she passed.
In the house where I'd learned about love
he taught me all I know about betrayal. ]

[ He left me at the train station.
I'd helped him with his leather suitcase,
struggling to get a grip of the situation
I gave a habitual kiss goodbye. Awkward. ]

[ He met another girl in group therapy.
They had a mad, passionate affair for a year
then, it expired. Shortly after, she did too.
He came to me, life turning to sand. ]

[ I forgave him at my birthday party
surrounded by friends who told me not to.
I told him he'd never make it up to me,
still, he tried, every day, til he died. ]
Claymation contest entry

I read through *TheAutumnCrocus's description of her contest which is inspired by claymation and a part of the definition struck me;

"Each frame, or still picture, is recorded on film or digital media and then played back in rapid succession. When played back at a frame rate greater than 10–12 frames per second, a fairly convincing illusion of continuous motion is achieved."

It seemed to me that you could record a life that way, with key events. After all our lives are not continuous events and actions, there are pauses between them, but if you take all the major events of your life and put them all in a row, you'd have a fairly convincing illusion of continuous motion, wouldn't you?

Thanks *TheAutumnCrocus for inspiring this :heart:.
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LookinAtStufff Featured By Owner Jul 17, 2013
It's really amazing and beautifully written, but it's also sad. But then again i guess thats kinda like what life is like, it's amazing and beautiful  but sad at the same time.
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Jul 18, 2013
Nods, thats what I felt too
ValaSedai Featured By Owner May 24, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
This work has been featured in
:star: BEST OF: dA-Supporters group - 57 :star:
by #deviantARTSupporters

Sammur-amat Featured By Owner May 1, 2013   General Artist
this is just such a splendid piece, excellently executed entry as well! :heart:
congratulations! :squee:
Aurora9912 Featured By Owner May 1, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
You are such an amazing talent.
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner May 1, 2013
:blush: THANK YOU!
Contradictory55 Featured By Owner Mar 18, 2013  Student Writer
Wow, that's... amazing.
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Mar 22, 2013
Yay :phew:
Contradictory55 Featured By Owner Mar 24, 2013  Student Writer
Clouded-Rachel Featured By Owner Mar 11, 2013  Student Writer
Hello from Feedback Friends!

First off, I would just like to say that this is a lovely piece of literature. I like the visual it paints in my mind, and I loved how it followed through in chronological order. The last stanza wraps everything up nicely with an ending the reader will remember.

However, the flow of this poem is a bit odd. I understand it's free verse, but some lines seem long and awkward for me to read, and disrupted the flow and visual of the poem. For example, the last line in some of the stanzas, such as "had grass in his hair. What a mess." I think if you moved 'what a mess' to its own line below, the poem would flow better.

Overall, lovely job on the poem! Good luck in the contest. :)
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