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Submitted on
January 19
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The battered sky blooms
as the dark teabag stain
under her weary eyes.
Like the couplet
strung around her necklace
and embedded
with teeth marks -
jewels impressed into
the vast expansive sky
of her laden shoulderbones.

The bruise darkens
and the stars seem impossible.
Too far away
and smiling a long dead smile.
But somewhere a pomegranate lip,
swollen with the disdain
that he made her swallow -
somewhere, those lips
find the courage to say
Goodnight.
:iconbloodshotink:

Goodnight Moonby BloodshotInk

Literature / Poetry / General Poetry / Free Verse©2014 BloodshotInk
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:iconkittenergy:
This was stunning.

Everything about it was incredible; the imagery, tone, everything.

This surprised me, not only because it was so well written, but because "Goodnight Moon" is usually something that's considered peaceful and content (if I'm correct, it's a children's story). In this however, you kept the peaceful element, but replaced the happy one with a more somber one.

Though you were effective in setting the mood, you did more showing than telling, and that was astounding! You left much to be implied by the reader, but still go your point across.

This is the kind of literature that one spends a few moments reading, and a few days afterward, pondering the meaning.
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The Artist thought this was FAIR
2 out of 4 deviants thought this was fair.

:icondurandthecreator:
Brilliant use of descriptive words makes this piece pop with power, not overwhelming though, In fact I found this quite relaxing and the words despite their final meaning within the story to be almost peaceful. This piece is short and sweet and within it's few lines it is able to hold multiples of interpretations due to the profound beauty of its wording, well verbalized and holds a lot of passion and sadness. I give this piece a 9/10 for its creativity and animated words. Overall this is a very creative piece with plenty of impact and originality. I wish to see more like this from you in the future :)
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2 out of 3 deviants thought this was fair.

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:iconrufusmisser:
RufusMisser Featured By Owner Jan 23, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
amazing!!!Clapping Pony Icon - Princess Luna Clapping Pony Icon - Twilight Sparkle 
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:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Feb 2, 2014
oh thank you!
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:icondrippingwords:
DrippingWords Featured By Owner Jan 23, 2014  Student Writer
:heart:

The battered sky blooms
as the dark teabag stain
under her weary eyes.
Reply
:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Feb 2, 2014
:D Thank you! I love that bit too :D
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:icondrippingwords:
DrippingWords Featured By Owner Feb 4, 2014  Student Writer
You're welcome! :heart:
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:iconnightnocturne78:
nightnocturne78 Featured By Owner Jan 21, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Beautiful. This piece is gorgeous in every way.Heart 
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:iconicykitsunestorm:
IcyKitsuneStorm Featured By Owner Jan 20, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Very nice! :)
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:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Feb 2, 2014
thanks!
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:iconicykitsunestorm:
IcyKitsuneStorm Featured By Owner Feb 3, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
welcome! :)
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:iconghostinafog:
ghostinafog Featured By Owner Jan 20, 2014
oddly serene, elegant and elegiac. the second stanza works especially well.
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