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The battered sky blooms
as the dark teabag stain
under her weary eyes.
Like the couplet
strung around her necklace
and embedded
with teeth marks -
jewels impressed into
the vast expansive sky
of her laden shoulderbones.

The bruise darkens
and the stars seem impossible.
Too far away
and smiling a long dead smile.
But somewhere a pomegranate lip,
swollen with the disdain
that he made her swallow -
somewhere, those lips
find the courage to say
Goodnight.
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:iconkittenergy:
Critique by Kittenergy Jan 19, 2014, 1:06:45 PM
This was stunning.

Everything about it was incredible; the imagery, tone, everything.

This surprised me, not only because it was so well written, but because "Goodnight Moon" is usually something that's considered peaceful and content (if I'm correct, it's a children's story). In this however, you kept the peaceful element, but replaced the happy one with a more somber one.

Though you were effective in setting the mood, you did more showing than telling, and that was astounding! You left much to be implied by the reader, but still go your point across.

This is the kind of literature that one spends a few moments reading, and a few days afterward, pondering the meaning.
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
2 out of 4 deviants thought this was fair.

:icondurandthecreator:
Brilliant use of descriptive words makes this piece pop with power, not overwhelming though, In fact I found this quite relaxing and the words despite their final meaning within the story to be almost peaceful. This piece is short and sweet and within it's few lines it is able to hold multiples of interpretations due to the profound beauty of its wording, well verbalized and holds a lot of passion and sadness. I give this piece a 9/10 for its creativity and animated words. Overall this is a very creative piece with plenty of impact and originality. I wish to see more like this from you in the future :)
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
2 out of 3 deviants thought this was fair.

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:iconrufusmisser:
RufusMisser Featured By Owner Jan 23, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
amazing!!!Clapping Pony Icon - Princess Luna Clapping Pony Icon - Twilight Sparkle 
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:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Feb 2, 2014
oh thank you!
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:icondrippingwords:
DrippingWords Featured By Owner Jan 23, 2014  Student Writer
:heart:

The battered sky blooms
as the dark teabag stain
under her weary eyes.
Reply
:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Feb 2, 2014
:D Thank you! I love that bit too :D
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:icondrippingwords:
DrippingWords Featured By Owner Feb 4, 2014  Student Writer
You're welcome! :heart:
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:iconnightnocturne78:
nightnocturne78 Featured By Owner Jan 21, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Beautiful. This piece is gorgeous in every way.Heart 
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:iconicykitsunestorm:
IcyKitsuneStorm Featured By Owner Jan 20, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Very nice! :)
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:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Feb 2, 2014
thanks!
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:iconicykitsunestorm:
IcyKitsuneStorm Featured By Owner Feb 3, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
welcome! :)
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:iconghostinafog:
ghostinafog Featured By Owner Jan 20, 2014
oddly serene, elegant and elegiac. the second stanza works especially well.
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:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Feb 2, 2014
oh thank you! :love:
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:iconimperial-radiance:
Imperial-Radiance Featured By Owner Jan 19, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
I first read this about twelve hours ago, and I thought it was nice, as your works usually are. But now, I've read it again, and I don't know the reasoning why, but I just... love it. I know it's neither because I have empathy for the speaker (because I haven't experienced such pain... yet) nor because I had a bad day (because I didn't), but I just... it just hit me hard... in one of the best ways possible. :heart: It's beautiful. :)
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:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Jan 20, 2014
I'm really glad you liked this! :love: thank you so much for telling me that means so much :tighthug:
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:iconimperial-radiance:
Imperial-Radiance Featured By Owner Jan 20, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
You're welcome. :hug:
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:iconmanigran:
Manigran Featured By Owner Jan 19, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Beautiful imagery and writing.  
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:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Jan 20, 2014
Oh thank you :love:
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:iconmanigran:
Manigran Featured By Owner Jan 20, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
You're very welcome.
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:iconmagicaljoey:
MagicalJoey Featured By Owner Jan 19, 2014   Writer
I think I might just end up faving everything you write  this year....
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:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Jan 19, 2014
:love: i'd enjoy that! haha
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:iconghostoftheemptygrave:
I love this poem. It's calm but filled with sadness. Well done :)
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:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Jan 19, 2014
:love: thank you so much
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:iconghostoftheemptygrave:
No problem :)
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:iconprussianpersephone:
PrussianPersephone Featured By Owner Jan 19, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Goodnight Moon was my favorite book as a child. I'd make my mom read it to me every night. This is so...sad. Serene, but sad. You're a natural at these types of poems, Kate.

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:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Jan 19, 2014
*Casually traumatises your childhood*. Sorry! lol. :tighthug:

Thanks honey :tighthug:
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:iconprussianpersephone:
PrussianPersephone Featured By Owner Jan 19, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
My childhood was traumatized long ago :XD: It's all good.
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:iconfarcrydreamer:
FarCryDreamer Featured By Owner Jan 19, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
This was incredible. Every new line had me surprised at the turns you were taking, and in reading it the second time I felt a great peace and sadness. Beautiful imagery, particularly in the second half of the first part. I also loved your choice of metaphors.
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:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Jan 19, 2014
Oh thank you! :D Im delighted you enjoyed this!
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:iconwinterleave:
WinterLeave Featured By Owner Jan 19, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
amazing!
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:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Jan 19, 2014
:love: Oh thank you!
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:iconwinterleave:
WinterLeave Featured By Owner Jan 19, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
you're welcome Kate!
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:iconthelastwhiterose85:
TheLastWhiteRose85 Featured By Owner Jan 19, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Very well written... I know I am schizophrenic.. but an image plays out in my mind as I read this.

It was dark and drapes were drawn. I looked over seeing a form, that of a woman. She had refused to do something, cleaning cooking related maybe. So anyway the man arose in a hurried anger and rage slapping her face... (About now I was becoming angry with the male figure though I knew he wasn't real.)

Next thing I knew I looked back and the scene changed, the woman form was tenderly tucking the other in bed saying goodnight. I felt my pride and wabting to protect but I knew I couldn't.

To me this poem was a release of pride, love all equally no matter what they have done.
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:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Jan 19, 2014
That is not what I intended but half of poetry is about what the reader gets out as opposed to what the writer puts in. So I'm glad you enjoyed it! 
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:iconthelastwhiterose85:
TheLastWhiteRose85 Featured By Owner Jan 19, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
I know it wasn't your intention... It was personal, usually I get what the writer is going for but this time I needed to learn a personal thing. I am sometimes too quick to defend friends. I don't give them time to solve their own problems, in a way I take away the lesson which should be learned. Don't get me wrong removing a burden from someone else is sometimes necessary to help them continue on. In my pursuits I am quick to take the burden to "Make" everything ok, though I know everything eventually will be ok in the end. Does that make sense?
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:iconbunocerous:
bunocerous Featured By Owner Jan 19, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
this makes me think a little of an old greek myth that the entire night sky was one goddess draping herself over the goddess of the earth. I agree with NemoX7 that there is an echo of domestic violence there as well. Well worth reading.
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:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Jan 19, 2014
Mm! Lovely! Yes, the sky was like a bruise last night - so I ran with that.
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:iconbunocerous:
bunocerous Featured By Owner Jan 19, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
yay i got it! poor sky, all bruised up.
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:iconnemox7:
NemoX7 Featured By Owner Jan 19, 2014   Writer
Thrilling read, blooming with symbolism and beautifully chosen choice of words. Instantly I felt this to be a piece about domestic violence especially with the lines "...a pomegranate lip,/swollen with the disdain/ that he made her swallow" and the victim's having the courage to finally speak up and walk away with the simple yet poignant "Goodnight". The subject I think is something I have rarely seen touched upon as a subject matter.  
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:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Jan 19, 2014
:tighthug: Thank you so much Nemo, I am thrilled that the message was clear and appreciated!
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:iconnemox7:
NemoX7 Featured By Owner Jan 19, 2014   Writer
You're very welcome. :D You have an inspiring way with words and the symbolism was astonishing to behold. 
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:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Jan 19, 2014
:blush: You are too kind
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:iconnemox7:
NemoX7 Featured By Owner Jan 19, 2014   Writer
But it's true :3 May you keep writing poetry like this; always a marvel to read and enjoy.
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:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Jan 19, 2014
:love: I hope so!
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:iconnemox7:
NemoX7 Featured By Owner Jan 19, 2014   Writer
Well it's inspired me to write another new poem, which rarely happens with other people's poetry :D
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