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There's a reason why
both my heart and my gun
have empty chambers baby,
       and it's you.
Suicide

♥ Kathryn O'Driscoll © 2013

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:iconkyndsie:
I admit that my first reaction was laughter. Enjoyment at the thought, and the combination of images that you use. I could see this remaining as a stand-alone short poem, part of a longer one (or a series), or as becoming part of a song. This hints at a full, dramatic story, without bothering to give the details, and that it was gives this its appeal. We've all been there, or are going to be there someday, at least emotionally. Granted, I've never shot anybody with a real gun in a fit of hurt feelings. At the same time, the experience of being hurt gives everybody the impetus, the motivation to consider it.

Maybe I'll start loading a water pistol for use.
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
8 out of 8 deviants thought this was fair.

:iconrejectedsavior:
It is very short... That being said, I believe it is the perfect length and I love it. At first I was thinking damn this is too short but after I read what was in front of me I decided it was just right. It's short and to the point without being vulgar or insulting to your audience.

The idea of, dare I say, murdering over love, whether lost or forbidden or whatever, is an amazing concept to me. Very appealing content.

I have an amazing Ruger SR9c that you could borrow for the next one if the need arises :)
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
2 out of 2 deviants thought this was fair.

The Artist has requested Critique on this Artwork

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:iconshadowedacolyte:
ShadowedAcolyte Featured By Owner Oct 28, 2014
Aww, I didn't read it as suicide at first--I read some dark humor.
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:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Dec 11, 2014
I'm dark like that. Mwahahhaha :P 
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:iconhopeburnsblue:
hopeburnsblue Featured By Owner Apr 4, 2014  Professional Writer
 When I first read this, my mouth fell open in surprise, and then it clicked. Very sad, but you are also very, very clever with your word choice.
Reply
:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Apr 15, 2014
Thank you! That means a lot! :blush:
Reply
:icondailylitdeviations:
DailyLitDeviations Featured By Owner Apr 3, 2014
Your wonderful literary work has been chosen to be featured by DLD (Daily Literature Deviations) in a news article that can be found here. Be sure to check out the other artists featured and show your support by :+fav:ing the News Article.

Keep writing and keep creating.
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:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Apr 15, 2014
Thank you :love:!!
Reply
:iconjadedstrayhyena:
JadedStrayHyena Featured By Owner Dec 17, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Short and to the (deadly) point.
Reply
:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Dec 23, 2013
yay! Thanks :D
Reply
:iconactsofart:
ActsofArt Featured By Owner Oct 1, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Your 'slap in the face' poem has made an excellent addition to my october feature: fav.me/d6omx1o Please come check it out!!
Reply
:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Oct 3, 2013
:giggle: this confused me a little because I've written a poem called A Slap in the Face. But thank you!1
Reply
:iconactsofart:
ActsofArt Featured By Owner Aug 23, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
holy crap reading this is like being slapped in the face; especially if it were directed at you. wonderful work!
Reply
:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Aug 27, 2013
:tighthug: Thank you so much! Im glad you like it, kinda? :D
Reply
:iconactsofart:
ActsofArt Featured By Owner Aug 27, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
oh and I loved the word baby in there it really added impact please don't take it out.
Reply
:iconsherbetblooms:
sherbetblooms Featured By Owner Aug 15, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
god damn :heart:
Reply
:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Aug 18, 2013
:tighthug: I love getting comments from you, I always know you just get it.
Reply
:iconsherbetblooms:
sherbetblooms Featured By Owner Aug 19, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
:hug: it's a lovely and rare thing sometimes...to understand and relate :heart: Love your work!
Reply
:iconthe-beastie:
the-beastie Featured By Owner Aug 11, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
This is a cool piece :) my thoughts first went to suicide (as you say in your artist's comments), but this could just as easily be read as the words of a murderer. There's a really interesting light-heartedness added to the sobriety of the piece through the word 'baby'. Nicely done!
Reply
:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Aug 18, 2013
:tighthug: Thank you!
Reply
:iconpennedinwhite:
PennedinWhite Featured By Owner Aug 9, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Many loves... :heart:
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:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Aug 10, 2013
:heart: Thank you
Reply
:iconpennedinwhite:
PennedinWhite Featured By Owner Aug 10, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
You are welcome! :hug:
Reply
:iconbahama-dreams:
Bahama-dreams Featured By Owner Aug 8, 2013
Great write!  Considering the subject matter, short and sweet is the best, no dwelling. 
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:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Aug 10, 2013
Thanks :D
Reply
:iconnoknownusername:
NoKnownUsername Featured By Owner Aug 8, 2013
Perfect, every single word in this is perfect!
Reply
:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Aug 10, 2013
yay1 Thank you :D
Reply
:iconnoknownusername:
NoKnownUsername Featured By Owner Aug 12, 2013
you're welcome =)
Reply
:iconladybrookecelebwen:
LadyBrookeCelebwen Featured By Owner Aug 4, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Oh, I really like this. It's wonderful.
Reply
:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Aug 7, 2013
Thank you so much!
Reply
:iconladybrookecelebwen:
LadyBrookeCelebwen Featured By Owner Aug 7, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
You're very welcome!
Reply
:iconlaxburch29:
LaxBurch29 Featured By Owner Aug 4, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Oh my lanta.... It's beautiful.
Reply
:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Aug 7, 2013
Thank you!!
Reply
:iconhawthorne-cat:
hawthorne-cat Featured By Owner Aug 4, 2013  Professional General Artist
love it top and bottom... love the ambiguity of 'baby'/who is you... the *speaker's* and baby's sex are open ended... as why the gun is now empty... is this a crime against *baby* or are they back to back... against others...
Reply
:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Aug 7, 2013
Thank you! It is ambiguous, a lot of readers have thought it was about murder, and found it a really funny poem. For me, the clue is the in 'empty chambers of the heart'
Reply
:iconhawthorne-cat:
hawthorne-cat Featured By Owner Aug 7, 2013  Professional General Artist
love unrequited...
Reply
:iconsparia:
Sparia Featured By Owner Aug 3, 2013  Student General Artist
Great job there! love it!
Reply
:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Aug 7, 2013
Thank you!
Reply
:iconsparia:
Sparia Featured By Owner Aug 9, 2013  Student General Artist
you are welcome!
Reply
:iconsparia:
Sparia Featured By Owner Aug 3, 2013  Student General Artist
especially the word "baby"...it add's a kick to poem. 
Reply
:icondaghrgenzeen:
Daghrgenzeen Featured By Owner Aug 3, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
This. :heart:
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:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Aug 7, 2013
Thank you!
Reply
:icondaghrgenzeen:
Daghrgenzeen Featured By Owner Aug 7, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
You welcome!
Reply
:iconlupus-astra:
lupus-astra Featured By Owner Aug 3, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Short and to the point. Not sweet because, well, it feels a bit brutal. Like a bullet to the heart. But I guess that was the intention.
Reply
:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Aug 7, 2013
Nods, it was
Reply
:iconchangers-n-mash:
changers-n-mash Featured By Owner Aug 3, 2013
I like this :)

Although I might have restructured the verses as follows:

The reason why there are
empty chambers;
in my heart and my gun
is you

Adds another layer of an empty bedroom.  Although... That may have been implies to begin with in which case I lack subtlety :P

Nice concept though :)
Reply
:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Aug 7, 2013
thanks!
Reply
:iconsvartulf:
Svartulf Featured By Owner Aug 3, 2013   General Artist
Direct and to the point. I like it and it made me laugh right away.
Reply
:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Aug 7, 2013
haha okay :]
Reply
:icontarosmyr:
TarosMyr Featured By Owner Aug 3, 2013   Writer
I could also see this poem written from the male perspective (the gun imagery, of course) :)
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:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Aug 7, 2013
:]
Reply
:iconchromeantennae:
chromeantennae Featured By Owner Aug 2, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Wow, clever. So nice. :)
Reply
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