Shop Mobile More Submit  Join Login
Moths;
       fluttering ghosts
       of dreams long gone
       dead and passed –
       and past.

       They ache for the love
               of light
       but their blind groping
               for the truth

                       Burns them.

In the end,
       all moths die
       as Icarus –
       as infantile projections
       of our innocence
                       as hope too, dies at last.
I hate moths. >_<

Blame AbsolvedJudas for this.
Add a Comment:
 
:iconrussiansakabato9:
I love the indentations and set up of the poem overall. There is an introduction as well as a closing to the poem which I like. I also enjoy the perspective you have of the moth. I have never thought of this creature in the light that you put it in here -passed dreams and "fluttering ghosts". The fact that moths desire light and that they cannot see it without burning is the sad truth. I appreciate the Icarus reference which is completely original in my opinion. The fact that his dream died just as moths, resembling dreams, also die. In the last two lines the poem seems more depressing, but still eye-opening. Throughout the entire poem I have a clear image in my head, which I find unique to my past thoughts of the moth. It also gives me an almost nostalgic feeling.
Thank you.
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
4 out of 4 deviants thought this was fair.

:iconlegolaspanther:
This piece is very interesting with the way you have so concretely displayed it to be. In its simplicity, you have created a vision of the moth and the metaphor of hope it has in this work.

I loved how you displayed the poem so that when reading each stanza, it gives pause for each thought about the image within it. You also did an interesting mix with the different line breaks too, which is very unique. Not only is there a type of continuation of thought, but also a glide onto each individual thought.

Keep it up!

Sincerely

~Panther~
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
2 out of 2 deviants thought this was fair.

The Artist has requested Critique on this Artwork

Please sign up or login to post a critique.

:iconthisisnotmadebyacat:
Thisisnotmadebyacat Featured By Owner Jun 18, 2014  Student Photographer
Wonderful! I can see where you were going with this and I honestly thing that this was written beautifully!


Don't feel bad...I really don't like moths much either. ^^'
Reply
:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Jun 18, 2014
Aw thank you ! 
Reply
:iconzylund:
Zylund Featured By Owner May 3, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Wow ._. That is pretty deep. I like love how you put the moths as ghosts :D
And overall this is written amazingly n_n
Great work!
Reply
:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner May 11, 2014
:love: THANK YOU. Moths are so scary. The other night I turned off my light to go to sleep and a moth LANDED ON MY NOSE.

outrage.
Reply
:iconzylund:
Zylund Featured By Owner May 11, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Oh my gawsh I know >.< A moth once flew into my friend's mouth while he was yawning! It must have been terrible >.<
You are most welcome c: And I am sorry to hear about the moth landing on your nose :giggle:
Reply
:iconkloe-oki:
kloe-oki Featured By Owner Apr 20, 2014
breath taking. really good. i love moths! lol but very pretty :)
Reply
:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Apr 21, 2014
:giggle: thank you!
Reply
:iconkloe-oki:
kloe-oki Featured By Owner Apr 21, 2014
:D
Reply
:iconwallawallaw:
wallawallaw Featured By Owner Feb 28, 2014
so true... hope dies last
Reply
:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Mar 29, 2014
:tighthug: Sadly
Reply
:iconwallawallaw:
wallawallaw Featured By Owner Apr 1, 2014
Heart Balloon Emote 
Reply
:icongosaku:
Gosaku Featured By Owner Feb 27, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Moths are not grabbing for truth, they want survival and warmth. Ironically, their need for life and their want for comfort is a deception. I feel as if that, when you say "I hate moths, " you're continuing your poem.
Reply
:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Mar 29, 2014
Chuckles. Probably why I made the association. I've written many poems on hating hope.
Reply
:icongosaku:
Gosaku Featured By Owner Mar 29, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Your work feels less depressing than you seem to be depressed. It's always pleasing in looking at it, and not picking it apart, because it feels as if every placement of every word is very intentional. I must, therefore, wonder about the intention of common--and uncommon--exchange of conversation that you engage in, and your realization and awareness to the infinitesimal consequences of them. That is a mouthful of a sentence, but an honest one.
Surely, you must notice the lack of simple relation of this comment to your's and to this poem, because it's really not for that. I suppose I just want to know more about how you regard yourself and your works, because they're just so damn good.
Reply
:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Apr 15, 2014
:tighthug: I work hard when I write, usually. Thank you. 

As for my awareness, its high. My psychotherapists have told me that my understanding of others and my desperation not to hurt them has in itself become a mental illness. :P

:tighthug:
Reply
:icongosaku:
Gosaku Featured By Owner Apr 16, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Well, you've killed me with your hugs, and multiple times at that. Of course, the opposite is actually true.
Reply
:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Apr 17, 2014
:giggle:
Reply
:iconladybrookecelebwen:
LadyBrookeCelebwen Featured By Owner Feb 23, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
I like this, even if you hate moths. :) You did a good job writing it.
Reply
:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Feb 26, 2014
:D Thanks!
Reply
:iconladybrookecelebwen:
LadyBrookeCelebwen Featured By Owner Feb 26, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Welcome! :D
Reply
:icondragonschest:
DragonsChest Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2014  Professional Writer
They are pesky things to be sure... :iconmothplz:
Reply
:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Feb 26, 2014
URGHHHHHHHH
Reply
:iconghostoftheemptygrave:
Why do you hate moths? They're just like butterflies, only without the amazing colors.
Reply
:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Feb 19, 2014
I don't like butterflies either
Reply
:iconghostoftheemptygrave:
Shoud I assume you're afraid of bugs?
Reply
:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Feb 21, 2014
No just moths and butterflies. Freak me out.
Reply
:iconghostoftheemptygrave:
Is it a past trauma or an instinctive fear? (you don't have to answer if you don't want to)
Reply
:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Feb 23, 2014
fearrrrrrrr
Reply
:iconghostoftheemptygrave:
Just think they're nothing but harmless bugs.
Reply
:iconlupus-astra:
lupus-astra Featured By Owner Feb 19, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
I'm really digging the way you paced the stanzas. The words are wrought together in a perfectly simple and beautiful way and it just renders really pretty imagery. In my mind I'm imagining little glowing moths in everyone's heart and when they're sad/finally given up, the moths' light dims and they flutter to the bottom of our rib cages and just...die.

It's depressing but fuck I love this one a lot Kate. :hug: Really love it.
Reply
:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Feb 26, 2014
:love: Thank you so much. Moths scare me so this was hard to write! lol. 

Thanks honey :D
Reply
:iconsweettinkerbear:
SweetTinkerBear Featured By Owner Feb 19, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
hope never dies.. but I love this none the less moths are just ugly butterflies .. the fairies forgot to paint..
Reply
:iconmagicaljoey:
MagicalJoey Featured By Owner Feb 19, 2014   Writer
The thing about hope is that it never truly dies Muffin. :tighthug:
Reply
:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Feb 26, 2014
I dont think thats true
Reply
:iconmagicaljoey:
MagicalJoey Featured By Owner Feb 26, 2014   Writer
Neither did I during my darkest, and when the dark comes back I am sure that I will lose sight of it again. But somehow it is always there. :tighthug:
Reply
:iconayeaye12:
AyeAye12 Featured By Owner Feb 19, 2014  Student Writer
Great stuff, but I found that the inclusion of Icarus was almost too... simple? Is that the right word? Probably not, but I do feel the inclusion of Greek mythology is pretty sudden, and kinda unneeded (because after the inclusion of Icarus you've got two great lines). Just take out "as Icarus" and it will work just as fine, if not better, personally. 

I am being a bit hypocritical, though, because I did write a whole poem with the metaphor of Icarus, but shh xP
Reply
:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Feb 26, 2014
Nods, I wasn't sure about it because its over-used currently, but unfortunately it happened to be the perfect comparison
Reply
:iconayeaye12:
AyeAye12 Featured By Owner Feb 19, 2014  Student Writer
To emphasise my point, I was going to put this as a II, but when seeing the "as Icarus" line my mind suddenly switched to putting this into a III. I changed it again because the rest of it is great, but it really can depend on one line.
Reply
:icondeaths-lament:
Deaths-Lament Featured By Owner Feb 19, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Love the Icarus imagery :) 
Reply
:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Feb 24, 2014
:D Thanks
Reply
Add a Comment:
 
×

:iconbloodshotink: More from BloodshotInk


Featured in Collections

Literature by Tyrison

Poetry by nightshade-keyblade


More from DeviantArt



Details

Submitted on
February 19, 2014
Link
Thumb

Stats

Views
1,367
Favourites
89 (who?)
Comments
40
×