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Submitted on
April 22
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When she died
I tied a knot in my stomach
so I would remember

but I've been so busy
trying to remember her dying
I forgot how to forget.

I've forgotten
how to let go -

and the doctors said
they would cut me open
and snip her out

a blade between the bows
and she,
and the pain, would be gone

but I've forgotten
how to let go -

and I still don't want to.
Was thinking about how people tie knots in pieces of string to remind them that they've forgotten something.. and my sister... and the two thoughts combined. 

Hope you guys enjoy even though its very simple and personal. Sorry 'bout that <3
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:iconzpickard:
This piece is relatable which makes it a great piece for people to read. Some poets or critiques will tell you, you need to have a piece that is complicated and difficult to write, something that requires a great amount of work, thats not always the case. This is simple, and it was very impactful. It combined two different elements of your life, and it was expressed in a metaphorically relatable way.

The words were simple, and the lines worked well. This piece left some mystery which I believe to be both good and bad. You very well could have given the imagery a bit more life to lead off of. However, saying that the mystery of that lacking imagery gives you something to think about. It leaves that space open in your mind to find the definition for yourself.

The length of the piece was appropriate I felt for the information and purpose of the piece. It did not drag on too long, and it was not too short. You can tell the piece is original as you are basing it off your own life, and it brings the personal experience to life.

Overall I say this earns a 3 1/2- 4 stars. It was a well written piece, it left me wanting a bit more from the piece, but it gave me something to think about, and something to take in from the piece.

Hope this is what you were looking for, and please let me know if you feel my critique is accurate, or just your thoughts on my opinion.
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:iconstarrstryke:
Starrstryke Featured By Owner Apr 29, 2014  Professional Writer
Another piece of soul for peace of soul. I do not think I will ever forget " tied a knot in my stomach so I would remember". Thank you.
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:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner May 11, 2014
Grins, I'm so glad you liked it! Thank you :)
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:iconsarahcolleenjane:
SarahColleenJane Featured By Owner Apr 29, 2014
this made me cry. it's very good and not just in a;.. "hey that that sounds really cool" but in its artistry. it carries brushstrokes of my own life's painting, hung in honor yet vaulted away, entombed and imprisoned as I am in it.
not that I am knocking anything before but you have progressed considerably sense I first read you.
Sarah ~

(I'm about to try again and I'm crossing every thing but my hands because, although I am ambidextrous I don't type very well to begin with, and my eyes of course because I'v got to be able to see what the heck I'm doing. I thank you with all my heart for your attempts in guidance)
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:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner May 11, 2014
:tighthug: Thank you so much - that's amazing, and especially the progression thing because htis is the first year of my degree and I've been trying to push myself. THANK YOU.
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:icona-shadow-rose:
A-Shadow-Rose Featured By Owner Apr 27, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
This is absolutely beautiful, honey. :tighthug:
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:iconuntamedunwanted:
UntamedUnwanted Featured By Owner Apr 27, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
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:iconuntamedunwanted:
UntamedUnwanted Featured By Owner Apr 27, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Oh....that was so beautiful and so so sad. It moved me, and I read it in the most perfect setting. The clouds are gathered outside and I have a hot cup of cocoa. Combine that with your poetry, and I'm in dreamland. :hug:
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:iconbark:
Bark Featured By Owner Apr 24, 2014  Professional Writer
Five years this June 23rd since my Cee died, and I still think of her a thousand times a day. Well done.
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:iconkloe-oki:
kloe-oki Featured By Owner Apr 23, 2014
i wanna cry. oh my gerd. lol But still beautiful
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:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Apr 23, 2014
:tighthug:!
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