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Literature by xXI-Feel-InfiniteXx

Literature by hereandthere01

Written Works by GuinevereToGwen


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Submitted on
April 22, 2014
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When she died
I tied a knot in my stomach
so I would remember

but I've been so busy
trying to remember her dying
I forgot how to forget.

I've forgotten
how to let go -

and the doctors said
they would cut me open
and snip her out

a blade between the bows
and she,
and the pain, would be gone

but I've forgotten
how to let go -

and I still don't want to.
Was thinking about how people tie knots in pieces of string to remind them that they've forgotten something.. and my sister... and the two thoughts combined. 

Hope you guys enjoy even though its very simple and personal. Sorry 'bout that <3
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:iconzpickard:
This piece is relatable which makes it a great piece for people to read. Some poets or critiques will tell you, you need to have a piece that is complicated and difficult to write, something that requires a great amount of work, thats not always the case. This is simple, and it was very impactful. It combined two different elements of your life, and it was expressed in a metaphorically relatable way.

The words were simple, and the lines worked well. This piece left some mystery which I believe to be both good and bad. You very well could have given the imagery a bit more life to lead off of. However, saying that the mystery of that lacking imagery gives you something to think about. It leaves that space open in your mind to find the definition for yourself.

The length of the piece was appropriate I felt for the information and purpose of the piece. It did not drag on too long, and it was not too short. You can tell the piece is original as you are basing it off your own life, and it brings the personal experience to life.

Overall I say this earns a 3 1/2- 4 stars. It was a well written piece, it left me wanting a bit more from the piece, but it gave me something to think about, and something to take in from the piece.

Hope this is what you were looking for, and please let me know if you feel my critique is accurate, or just your thoughts on my opinion.
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
8 out of 8 deviants thought this was fair.

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:iconstarrstryke:
Starrstryke Featured By Owner Apr 29, 2014  Professional Writer
Another piece of soul for peace of soul. I do not think I will ever forget " tied a knot in my stomach so I would remember". Thank you.
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:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner May 11, 2014
Grins, I'm so glad you liked it! Thank you :)
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:iconsarahcolleenjane:
SarahColleenJane Featured By Owner Apr 29, 2014
this made me cry. it's very good and not just in a;.. "hey that that sounds really cool" but in its artistry. it carries brushstrokes of my own life's painting, hung in honor yet vaulted away, entombed and imprisoned as I am in it.
not that I am knocking anything before but you have progressed considerably sense I first read you.
Sarah ~

(I'm about to try again and I'm crossing every thing but my hands because, although I am ambidextrous I don't type very well to begin with, and my eyes of course because I'v got to be able to see what the heck I'm doing. I thank you with all my heart for your attempts in guidance)
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:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner May 11, 2014
:tighthug: Thank you so much - that's amazing, and especially the progression thing because htis is the first year of my degree and I've been trying to push myself. THANK YOU.
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:icona-shadow-rose:
A-Shadow-Rose Featured By Owner Apr 27, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
This is absolutely beautiful, honey. :tighthug:
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:iconuntamedunwanted:
UntamedUnwanted Featured By Owner Apr 27, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
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:iconuntamedunwanted:
UntamedUnwanted Featured By Owner Apr 27, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Oh....that was so beautiful and so so sad. It moved me, and I read it in the most perfect setting. The clouds are gathered outside and I have a hot cup of cocoa. Combine that with your poetry, and I'm in dreamland. :hug:
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:iconbark:
Bark Featured By Owner Apr 24, 2014  Professional Writer
Five years this June 23rd since my Cee died, and I still think of her a thousand times a day. Well done.
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:iconkloe-oki:
kloe-oki Featured By Owner Apr 23, 2014
i wanna cry. oh my gerd. lol But still beautiful
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:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Apr 23, 2014
:tighthug:!
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:iconkloe-oki:
kloe-oki Featured By Owner Apr 28, 2014
:tighthug:
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:iconghostoftheemptygrave:
It's really hard to let it go... :hug:
Awesome poem, by the way :)
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:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Apr 23, 2014
:tighthug: Thank you honey
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:iconghostoftheemptygrave:
You're welcome pal :)
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:iconthornyenglishrose:
ThornyEnglishRose Featured By Owner Apr 23, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Simple is very often effective. That's a very clever and powerful image. :hug:
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:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Apr 23, 2014
Aw :tighthug: Thank you honey
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:iconwinterleave:
WinterLeave Featured By Owner Apr 23, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
I'm sorry that you're feeling like this! It's beautiful though:)
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:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Apr 23, 2014
:tighthug: Thanks honey
Reply
:iconwinterleave:
WinterLeave Featured By Owner Apr 23, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
you're welcome! Sorry I don't comment as much as I used to do, I'm studying for finals.
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:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Apr 23, 2014
Dont ever be sorry, you don't owe me comments. They are an honour, not something I expect. <3
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:iconwinterleave:
WinterLeave Featured By Owner Apr 24, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
)
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:icondeaths-lament:
Deaths-Lament Featured By Owner Apr 22, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
This is beautiful :hug: I can certainly relate to not wanting to forget, or not being able to

and don't you ever apologise for being amazing at what you do :heart: :hug:
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:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Apr 23, 2014
:tighthug: Aw thank you hon
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:icondeaths-lament:
Deaths-Lament Featured By Owner Apr 24, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
:huggle: No problem my dear :heart:
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:iconlaurotica:
laurotica Featured By Owner Apr 22, 2014   Writer
This is amazing and so powerful in only a few short stanzas.  Wonderful work :clap:
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:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Apr 22, 2014
Oh thank you hon! :tighthug:!!
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:icongosaku:
Gosaku Featured By Owner Apr 22, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
I can relate to this feeling of needing to remember something so raw and horrible to better myself. Time is seen, by me, as somewhat nonexistent. My future will be my present, as my past has been. I think some people aren't aware of that. But, what my past has been makes me what I am, and I am not selfish with my presents.
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:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Apr 22, 2014
Nods. :tighthug:
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:iconthegman0:
theGman0 Featured By Owner Apr 22, 2014  Hobbyist
Sorry about your sister. 
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:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Apr 22, 2014
Me too, but it was a long time (chronologically, not emotionally)
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:iconkonamiabstract:
Konamiabstract Featured By Owner Apr 22, 2014  Professional Filmographer
and the doctors said
they would cut me open
and snip her out

reminds me of a painful experiment XD
Reply
:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Apr 22, 2014
Eek!
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:iconkonamiabstract:
Konamiabstract Featured By Owner Apr 22, 2014  Professional Filmographer
i know right XD
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:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Apr 22, 2014
It is meant to be gory and a bit violent, but you made it scarier lol
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:iconkonamiabstract:
Konamiabstract Featured By Owner Apr 22, 2014  Professional Filmographer
well im a nutcase and im proud to be one XD
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:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Apr 22, 2014
Haha same don't worry
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:iconkonamiabstract:
Konamiabstract Featured By Owner Apr 22, 2014  Professional Filmographer
thats blood yawesome
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:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Apr 23, 2014
Agreed. :giggle: Much more fun to be mad.
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(1 Reply)
:iconnightshade-keyblade:
nightshade-keyblade Featured By Owner Apr 22, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
:iconsadhugplz:
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:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Apr 22, 2014
:tighthug:
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:iconguineveretogwen:
GuinevereToGwen Featured By Owner Apr 22, 2014  Student Writer
Wow... Personal and very beautiful. :heart:
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:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Apr 22, 2014
:blush: Thanks sweetheart :rose:
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:iconguineveretogwen:
GuinevereToGwen Featured By Owner Apr 23, 2014  Student Writer
Or course. :)
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:iconlittleblueraccoon:
littleblueraccoon Featured By Owner Apr 22, 2014  Student Writer
:sad: aww, I'm sorry...this is beautiful
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:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Apr 22, 2014
:tighthug: Aw, don't be sorry. I was very blessed to have her in my life at all, I just miss her.
Reply
:iconlittleblueraccoon:
littleblueraccoon Featured By Owner Apr 24, 2014  Student Writer
Aw...I think when you lose someone you love, you'll always miss them, but somehow you learn to live with it. I hope you feel better soon. :heart:
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:iconrussiansakabato9:
RussianSakabato9 Featured By Owner Apr 22, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
man this poem hits ya! very emotional.
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:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Apr 22, 2014
:tighthug: Sorry!
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:iconrussiansakabato9:
RussianSakabato9 Featured By Owner Apr 24, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
It's ok. Very good poem. Hug 
Reply
:iconcaitlynanne:
Caitlynanne Featured By Owner Apr 22, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Wow.  This almost has me in tears.
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