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See the sharpness of my tongue-nib
As the metallic taste in my mouth draws out
A barking cough, forced out
By the dirty nicotine lining my lungs.

See the blade of stubbornness
That slices across my cheek bone;
An amalgamation  of all the times you pushed me.

See the residue in my eyes,
The remnants of all those times you forced me
And I forced myself not to cry;
Those tears condensed into a thick blinding syrup
That colours all things red.

See the crinkle in my nose,
The wrinkles on my heart
As I remember how you didn't love me. (Don't love me).

See the burns on my psalms
And fingerprints singed off
By all the times you called me nothing.

See the manacles, the barnacles
The mutations and tumours.
See the invisible scars of the Battle of Us.
There are capitalisation issues here because I'm posting this from a cafe. Will edit them later today or tomorrow.

I wrote this thinking about all the invisible scars I have from past relationships. How I respond quite strongly if someone tries to emotionally manipulate me because of a relationship in which I was emotionally abused. How I don't really like sex because of a relationship in which I was forced. How I have all the remainder of all the bad parts of those relationships still swimming around in my lungs.

It prompted this and another poem which I will work on later.

I dunno. Just regrets.
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:iconsherbetblooms:
sherbetblooms Featured By Owner Feb 27, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Terribly sad. I know what this is like and it feels good to leave them behind in your writings. 3rd strophe was my fave.
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:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Feb 28, 2013
Mines the last. :nod:
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:iconkazul9:
Kazul9 Featured By Owner Feb 25, 2013   Writer
Oh, wow. :hug: I'm sorry this reflects what's actually happened to you. You did an absolutely beautiful job expressing it, though. Thank you for sharing. :)
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:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Feb 26, 2013
:tighthug: Thank you for your positive response
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:iconkazul9:
Kazul9 Featured By Owner Mar 1, 2013   Writer
X3 You're welcome!
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:iconshehrozeameen:
shehrozeameen Featured By Owner Feb 23, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
... *oww*... You've come a long way... This work prompted me into reading the comment you gave me earlier... which was your biography (an answer to a journal entry whose title I can't remember).

Its subtle, and definitely something which requires some time to digest. For the most part, though - its a brave work.
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:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Feb 23, 2013
Nods, thank you so much, goodness. I am speechless.
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:iconshehrozeameen:
shehrozeameen Featured By Owner Feb 23, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
*hug* stay happy.
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:iconmichaeldavitt:
Michaeldavitt Featured By Owner Feb 21, 2013  Professional Writer
This resonates with me, one question was it the Biblical Psalms that were burned?

I hope you find better relationships in the future so you can write about the bright side
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:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Feb 23, 2013
The psalms thing mainly happened because when ~DeaconStrucktor faves any of my literature he puts it in a folder called Psalms and Sermons and its been in my mind for a couple of weeks, and this play on the two meanings here seemed fitting.


I have plenty of poems about the bright side :giggle: it's a pretty even split I think.
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:iconmichaeldavitt:
Michaeldavitt Featured By Owner Feb 23, 2013  Professional Writer
Well I thought it was very good. tell me a little about your process,, about how you write. Do you have an outline of the idea that interests you. or do you act on emotion or is it always different?

Thanks in advance for your time
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:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Feb 24, 2013
Often its a thought that has been in my head for a while, I keep little notes to myself of things that aren't ready for public consumption but should be incorperated in the future.

Like right now in my head I know I want to write something based on the idea of - if someone else said the hateful things we tell ourselves, we wouldn't allow it... but it'll take a few days to think how to start that off or how to focus it.

But usually its an emotion that sparks a poem, and I might be able to incorperate one of the metaphors or ideas or plays on words in my mind into that emotion. I write, it takes about 15 minutes tops, and then I post it here. I don't really edit apart from what I do as I go.
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:iconmichaeldavitt:
Michaeldavitt Featured By Owner Feb 24, 2013  Professional Writer
interesting well I will be looking for that one about hateful things that reminds me of :

Prejudice Haiku

At an early age
hatred is taught to children
by bad parenting.

Children can respect
all races and religions
when parents teach love.

Children in the park
play together peacefully
where race matters not.

Children learn to hate
by observing their elders
actions not their words.

The ten commandments
are taught to Jews and Christians
but both forget them.

We teach our youngsters
'Peace on earth, goodwill to men'
but practice hatred.

Two seats on the bus.
I sit next to the black man.
I am prejudiced.

I am prejudiced
'cause I choose on the basis
of color of skin.

In a perfect world
we would see only people
not color of skin.

LORETTA BACON
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:icondarkangel15678:
DarkAngel15678 Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
So true they never see how they messed you up after....
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:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Feb 21, 2013
Or if they do, they don't care.
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:icondarkangel15678:
DarkAngel15678 Featured By Owner Feb 21, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
True dat!
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:iconladylincoln:
LadyLincoln Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Love you, honey -- scars and all. :heart:
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:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Feb 21, 2013
and I, you :tighthug: of course. I'm sorry for moping.
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:iconladylincoln:
LadyLincoln Featured By Owner Feb 21, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
There is nothing to be sorry for, sweetpea. :tighthug:
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:iconshadamy854:
shadamy854 Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
AMAZING! I almost cried cuz a few of those problems happned to me and right now I have a family proble ='(
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:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Feb 21, 2013
:tighthug: well I hope things get better for you soon
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:iconshadamy854:
shadamy854 Featured By Owner Feb 21, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Thank you and I hope so as well. One question have you heard the song "battle scars"
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:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Feb 23, 2013
:nod: I have and I like it
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:iconzevais:
Zevais Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2013  Hobbyist
With my lost loves, life choices, emotional, and sexual abuse... it is still strange to me how I don't just live each day still living in that ocean of regret. It isn't only my fiance... there was a girl that once was as much for me as Kelly is now, but couldn't stay above the ocean surface to breathe any better air... and that girl ended up leaving because she couldn't let it take over her life as well.

Maybe its just knowing what I let myself become before, what my mother let clinical depression and stress do to her, and knowing I am willing to just let go of life if I know I will begin hurting people when I may one day lose too much of my mind.

I wish I could tell you that one little aspect that makes me stronger than I should be... I'd like to know to just find a way to have more of it. I know this isn't my usual dark, twist... guess I felt like saying something real today.
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:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Feb 21, 2013
Well I'm glad that you can live above that, its no fun. :[
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:icondonutmonk:
donutmonk Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2013  Hobbyist
Psssst. Hey.

Hey you.

It should be noted, I think, that the scares aren't always necessarily a bad thing. Yes, they represent something awful. Horrible mistreatment, tainted memories, the thread of one's mind pressed and thinned against a self-melded blade.

And yet...

They show you survived.

That in itself-the survival, the will to continue forward, the ability to capture the moments and thoughts into an understandable form of communication-is an invaluable contribution to everyone, but especially so to those who share this...ache. The wounds that don't quite heal and hurt when we move wrong but we can't help it because it is unseen. No medicine can treat it, save for time. But hat is no more a true solution than those who look away from the tears and hear the screams instead.

Sorry for getting a bit here, but your work seems very sincere and as such deserves an equally sincere response. Something like this can help even those who suffer and aren't aware. It can help some realize just what, for a blissful, pain ridden moment, ails them.

And it can come as a comfort for those who have experienced such feelings in the past.

It's helped me, at least. I think the fact another person just *knows* gives me that gentle, firsthand reminder that we aren't completely alone after all.

So thanks. Your literature means a lot to me.

c:
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:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Feb 21, 2013
:tighthug: You are welcome, and I agree that physical scars aren't always bad, I've written about that before, but mental and emotional ones, I think they are always bad, because you only have emotional and mental scars when something can't heal properly.
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:icondonutmonk:
donutmonk Featured By Owner Feb 22, 2013  Hobbyist
True, true, but sometimes it's just one of those unavoidable things. So finding another who can actually comprehend your level of pain is sometimes a comfort in it's own right.
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:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Feb 23, 2013
Nods, you are so right.
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:iconsvartulf:
Svartulf Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2013   General Artist
Why are you not recording this as music? This is Great!!!
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:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2013
Because i have no musical abilities sadly
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:iconsvartulf:
Svartulf Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2013   General Artist
Damn, would you if you could? Can you sing at least?
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:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Feb 21, 2013
Not really no, lol, why?
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:iconsvartulf:
Svartulf Featured By Owner Feb 21, 2013   General Artist
It's a shame, I'd love work with someone who could write like you.
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:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Feb 21, 2013
Are you musical?
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:iconsvartulf:
Svartulf Featured By Owner Feb 21, 2013   General Artist
Seriously? I'm sitting here practicing purple rain because I'm helping a friend record a song for his acting portfolio
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:iconkuraitenshiv:
KuraiTenshiV Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2013  Hobbyist
:hug:
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:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Feb 21, 2013
:tighthug:
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:iconkuraitenshiv:
KuraiTenshiV Featured By Owner Feb 21, 2013  Hobbyist
:hug:
i love the lil hug ppl lol
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:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Feb 23, 2013
haha me too :glomp:
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:iconkuraitenshiv:
KuraiTenshiV Featured By Owner Feb 23, 2013  Hobbyist
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO a glomp :: dances around:: ok im done....
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:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Feb 26, 2013
:giggle:
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:iconkuraitenshiv:
KuraiTenshiV Featured By Owner Feb 28, 2013  Hobbyist
sorry bit of an odd duck
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:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Feb 28, 2013
me too!
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(1 Reply)
:iconthegman0:
theGman0 Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2013  Hobbyist
Love hurts.
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:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Feb 21, 2013
Nods sadly
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:iconithaswhatitisnt:
ithaswhatitisnt Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I have the scars too...:tighthug: And he will never know what he has truly done. That's the sad part. :(

The last stanza made me cry a bit. :tears: And the line, "As I remember how you didn't love me. (Don't love me)."...that made me cry too.

I'm sorry you had to go through such horrible ordeals. :huggle:
Reply
:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2013
I'm so sorry it made you cry (hugs) but lately all my insecurities and hidden fears are back on the surface and these traumas seem fresh again, I'm finding them difficult to handle.

:tighthug: thank you for being you
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:iconithaswhatitisnt:
ithaswhatitisnt Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
It's alright. :tighthug: Just do what you need to do to feel better. :) :huggle:
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