Shop Mobile More Submit  Join Login
Foetal
Trying to fold the pain up
To trap it between the paper cut limbs.
Curled up
Protective
But the shockwaves come
Pulsing from inside
Destroying cells
Radiocactive
Curled up
To trap it between the paper cut limbs.
Trying to fold the pain up.
Foetal.
So muhcpain
Add a Comment:
 

The Artist has requested Critique on this Artwork

Please sign up or login to post a critique.

:iconathazagoraphobias:
Athazagoraphobias Featured By Owner Mar 9, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
This was rather intense. Well-written, to say the least.

I hope the pain has subsided. :)
Reply
:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Mar 10, 2013
It has for today. Thank you :rose:
Reply
:iconstory-of-a-mind:
Story-of-a-Mind Featured By Owner Feb 21, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I marvel about how you utilized the structure of this poem to trap it between the ink made limbs of reversely repeated lines. And how the shockwave, pulsing form inside, is in fact in the middle, the inside of the poem.
Reply
:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Feb 21, 2013
:tighthug: I marvel at how you see such detail right away! :D
Reply
:iconstory-of-a-mind:
Story-of-a-Mind Featured By Owner Feb 24, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
:giggle:
:tighthug:
Reply
:iconnightshade-keyblade:
nightshade-keyblade Featured By Owner Feb 11, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
:rose: The pain we feel brings out words that we can't say
Reply
:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Feb 15, 2013
Nods sadly
Reply
:iconnightshade-keyblade:
nightshade-keyblade Featured By Owner Feb 15, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
:rose: :heart:
Reply
:icon0hgravity:
0hgravity Featured By Owner Feb 7, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
this really gives the sense of being tightly coiled.

and after 'shockwaves' it felt like an explosion on the inside but the energy never escapes it just sort of tightens the coil...

:hug:
Reply
:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Feb 8, 2013
It hurt a lot yesterday
Reply
:icon0hgravity:
0hgravity Featured By Owner Feb 8, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
I could feel that.
Reply
:iconzevais:
Zevais Featured By Owner Feb 7, 2013  Hobbyist
Reared back
It always begins with anger
From within tight flesh it escapes
Backed up
In protest
Resentment always there
Natural Response
Egocentric
Fangs shown
Skin retracts from the jaws
because of fear in the eyes
Reared back.
Reply
:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Feb 8, 2013
Not for me! But interesting insight.
Reply
:iconfoxofebony:
FoxofEbony Featured By Owner Feb 7, 2013
I really like how you refer to folding up the pain and paper cut limbs it creates a brilliant imagery.
Reply
:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Feb 8, 2013
thank you! I hope I managed to convey the enormity of how I felt yesterday.
Reply
:iconfoxofebony:
FoxofEbony Featured By Owner Feb 8, 2013
You did :D
Reply
:iconwinterleave:
WinterLeave Featured By Owner Feb 7, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
very impressive! I hope the pain will go away soon <3
Reply
:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Feb 8, 2013
God, me too! haha
Reply
:iconkuraitenshiv:
KuraiTenshiV Featured By Owner Feb 7, 2013  Hobbyist
Very good visual on this one.
Reply
:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Feb 8, 2013
Based on a true story. As they say.
Reply
:iconkuraitenshiv:
KuraiTenshiV Featured By Owner Feb 10, 2013  Hobbyist
indeed =) really like this one
Reply
:iconveronicle:
veronicle Featured By Owner Feb 7, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
this is extremely good
Reply
:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Feb 8, 2013
Thank you.. I wrote this whilst it was happening so.. it hurts too much to read it back. but thank you.
Reply
:iconfantasylover103:
fantasylover103 Featured By Owner Feb 7, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
It's amazing...so amazing...............what does foetal mean? :dummy:
Reply
:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Feb 8, 2013
I see other people answered your question :giggle: so I'll just say thank you for your comments! :tighthug:!
Reply
:iconfantasylover103:
fantasylover103 Featured By Owner Feb 8, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
:D

No problem!! The poem makes much more sense now.
Reply
:icondeaconstrucktor:
DeaconStrucktor Featured By Owner Feb 7, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
foetal means "like a fetus" an unborn child. Generally understood to be "curled up in a ball", knees folded to chest and arms around your knees.
Reply
:iconfantasylover103:
fantasylover103 Featured By Owner Feb 7, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Ah....the poem makes more sense now...
Reply
:iconthegman0:
theGman0 Featured By Owner Feb 7, 2013  Hobbyist
Another way to say fetal.
Reply
:iconfantasylover103:
fantasylover103 Featured By Owner Feb 7, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Ah.
Reply
Add a Comment:
 
×

:iconbloodshotink: More from BloodshotInk


Featured in Collections

Psalms And Sermons by DeaconStrucktor

Literature by crashmypartyhard

Stories, Poetry by 6-9Changeling


More from DeviantArt



Details

Submitted on
February 7, 2013
File Size
430 bytes
Link
Thumb

Stats

Views
651 (1 today)
Favourites
25 (who?)
Comments
30
×