Shop Mobile More Submit  Join Login
When I was 13 my first counsellor asked me what animal I thought I was most like. A mouse. A dormouse, I said, because I sleep a lot. She laughed, and I laughed, and everyone in the gallery agreed how funny it was. It was true. I sleep all day because sleep is the natural anaesthetic and the only way I could numb the nerve endings crackling their anger through my brain.

(faster)

No one ever asked me again. No one ever asked me why I was late for school every day, why I ignored alarms and never ate breakfast. They told me to buy a clock, buy another clock, buy a better clock. I did what I was told, like I always have, but it didn’t make a difference because at the end of the day, at the start of the day, I’d rather be asleep. Awake and arithmetic had nothing to offer me, just give me sleep. I’d skip classes and parties, miss birthdays and brunches, just give me sleep.

(slower)

My friends were used to it, I ran on my own timezone, it became a personal joke. They laughed, and I laughed, and everyone in the gallery agreed how funny I was. I worked so hard to make people laugh because when their eyes crinkled up in the moment of amusement they couldn’t see my face.

(faster)

They couldn’t see frown lines through my fawning, I made damn sure of that, and if someone got close enough that they might actually notice my existence I would run. Run and find a new hole to nest in, scutter beneath their feet and live a life of feeble-hearted fear. I ran. (slower) Ever the dormouse.

Ever the dormouse trying to hibernate whole seasons of my life away in the hopes that the faster I skipped through them the sooner the end credits would roll, all I wanted was sleep. I grew up and started seeking sleep directly, dropped class, left school, stayed home, slept. Opened my eyes each day and thought  - “Damn, this again”.

(faster)

This again? Another day of living with a body throbbing with the lab-rat diseases injected in me at birth, with depression and disorder and karma and chaos. Another day of “Please not me” and “Please, God, Please” and trying to please people who ultimately never noticed that although I ran around all day trying to appease them they never saw me. Trying to deceive people who thought they knew me, think they know me, thought they owed me. They don’t owe me for my friendship because that friendship is freely given, as I try to buy the affection I don’t think I deserve. I try to beg and steal my way into hearts, and sometimes I might habitat, temporarily, but the day always comes when I run, and they don’t follow. I curl up small and wonder how to answer if someone asks me what’s wrong, but no one ever asked me. So I just pray for sleep.

(pause) No one ever asked me why I’d rather be asleep.

This is a performance poetry piece, to see me perform it please click here!

Add a Comment:
 
:iconshehrozeameen:
I will honestly admit that the rating I gave this work was a genuine reflection of what I feel about it. For a start you do not shirk in talking about yourself which works for the nenefit of this prose. For another I feel that your analogy of a dormouse and the way you have used the environmental cues to indicate the state of mind during this stream of consciousness work really well towards the end goal of this prose. It did serve what it was meant for and even though I didn't get the entirety of this work I feel thay you have done a decent job inportraying what the dormouse means to you.
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
3 out of 3 deviants thought this was fair.

The Artist has requested Critique on this Artwork

Please sign up or login to post a critique.

:iconshehrozeameen:
shehrozeameen Featured By Owner Jun 27, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
All in all a good prose. Wrote a critique on this one.
Reply
:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Jun 27, 2014
Thanks :love:
Reply
:iconlastofthewolves:
LastoftheWolves Featured By Owner Jun 1, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
My new favorite animal is a dormouse now..
Reply
:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Jun 15, 2014
chuckles, thats a true story :}
Reply
:iconlastofthewolves:
LastoftheWolves Featured By Owner Jun 15, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
:)
Reply
:iconintroverted-ghost:
introverted-ghost Featured By Owner May 22, 2014   Writer
I loved this, and then I watched the performance. Now I love it even more.
Reply
:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Jun 15, 2014
*shy* yay thank you :B performance poetry is weirddd
Reply
:iconintroverted-ghost:
introverted-ghost Featured By Owner Jun 15, 2014   Writer
You did so well, though. :heart:
Reply
:iconlike1guy:
Like1guy Featured By Owner May 12, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
How do you write Performance poetry pieces?  I love them.  They rock and I'd like to know how to do it myself.
Reply
:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Jun 15, 2014
For me I havent had much teaching on this yet, but its more about sound than look. You just focus on different technical aspects that you already know within poetry. I enjoy it but next year I'll do a module on it and find out if I am any 'good' at it
Reply
:iconlike1guy:
Like1guy Featured By Owner Jun 18, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Although I haven't read anything else like this so I have nothing to compare it to, I really like yours.  A lot.
Reply
:iconbunocerous:
bunocerous Featured By Owner May 11, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Sleep is the ultimate anesthesia. Especially dreamless sleep. I hope everything got better for you, little dormouse.
Reply
:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner May 11, 2014
I think so, yes :] Now I risk spending time awake too.
Reply
:iconsutathewolf:
Sutathewolf Featured By Owner May 10, 2014  Student General Artist
I worked so hard to make people laugh because when their eyes crinkled up in the moment of amusement they couldn’t see my face. Loved that line... Would you send me a note if you ever want to talk? I'm curious - is this piece personal to you? Are you doing any better? I kinda want to give you a hug even though I don't know you.

Anyways, keep your head up! :heart:

:hug:
Reply
:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner May 11, 2014
I am not good at communicating, unfortunately thats part of my mental health disorder / disability. Which makes it very lonely and painful... this piece is personal to me, its all true.. uhh.. Im okay... I have been a lot lot worse. I didnt leave my house for almost 8 years, and right now im in my first year of university as a mature student and im getting through it.. which is... incredible... thank you....

and you do kinda know me. Cos my poetry is me. :tighthug: so hugs for you. Thank you, for your support and your care.
Reply
:iconsutathewolf:
Sutathewolf Featured By Owner May 14, 2014  Student General Artist
Ohh, that's so awesome, I'm glad you're able to move forward! And if you ever need to talk, feel free to send me a note. :heart:

And yeah, I guess it is! :hug: 
Reply
:iconghostoftheemptygrave:
So sad... :hug:
Reply
:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner May 11, 2014
:tighthug: Sorry
Reply
:iconghostoftheemptygrave:
No need to apologize, it's not a bad thing. :)
Reply
:iconwinterleave:
WinterLeave Featured By Owner May 10, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
<333333 I would love to be your friend!
Reply
:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner May 11, 2014
:tears: You already are, and I love you! <3
Reply
:iconwinterleave:
WinterLeave Featured By Owner May 11, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you Kate, I love you too!
Reply
Add a Comment:
 
×

:iconbloodshotink: More from BloodshotInk


Featured in Collections

Writing by ithaswhatitisnt

Literature by JayDanjerCobain


More from DeviantArt



Details

Submitted on
May 10, 2014
Link
Thumb

Stats

Views
675
Favourites
48 (who?)
Comments
22
×