Shop Mobile More Submit  Join Login
×

:iconbloodshotink: More from BloodshotInk


Featured in Collections

Treasured Literature by LadyLincoln

Poems Litterature Typography by TheForsakenGoddess

Literature by crashmypartyhard


More from DeviantArt



Details

Submitted on
February 9, 2013
File Size
1.1 KB
Link
Thumb

Stats

Views
1,129
Favourites
60 (who?)
Comments
44
×
He always told me I was deep.
An unfiltered distillation of a humanitarian ocean.

He accepted me, gills and all -
  He knew that I needed my eccentricities to breathe
         under the seascrapers of pollution
               that hung over my head.
 Or he said he did.

At the end of it all,
he tugged the gills open to expose me;
    my innards trailed across the coral reef
       as I swam trustingly forward, hoping for the best.
 I tried to believe.

I believed him, gills and all -
But eventually, he left me, with holes in my sides
   Where he had spooned out my intestines
      To tether them to a boulder.
 I tried to breathe.

He always told me I was deep.
It must have been a surprise to read:


                                  Death by puddle.
It's the little things.

Full credit to =Deathbypuddle whos name inspired me to write today.


*glossolalias rocks my life <3
Add a Comment:
 

The Artist has requested Critique on this Artwork

Please sign up or login to post a critique.

:iconwavesandbreakers88:
wavesandbreakers88 Featured By Owner Jun 27, 2013  Student Writer
Things about this poem I like:
-The irony of the last line.
-The word "seascrapers".
-The way you've expressed the idea that it hurts when people we trust reject our eccentricities; it's not overexplained or anything, just a clear metaphor that's easily understood and identified with.

Nice work! :)
Reply
:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Jun 27, 2013
:D Thank you, and yes, it does hurt. I really appreciate you understanding the meaning behind my work!
Reply
:iconwavesandbreakers88:
wavesandbreakers88 Featured By Owner Jun 27, 2013  Student Writer
You're welcome! It's nice to be understood. :)
Reply
:iconxlntwtch:
xlntwtch Featured By Owner May 24, 2013   Writer
Seen here [link] and appreciated. :+fav: Especially that last line.
Reply
:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner May 26, 2013
Aww! Thank you so much!
Reply
:iconxlntwtch:
xlntwtch Featured By Owner May 26, 2013   Writer
You're very welcome.
Reply
:icondreamsinstatic:
dreamsinstatic Featured By Owner May 24, 2013
Your fantastic work has been featured in the 100th edition of Friday Night Features.
Reply
:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner May 26, 2013
You are too kind :D
Reply
:icondomsaverem:
domsaverem Featured By Owner May 15, 2013
I love "He knew that I needed my eccentricities to breathe/under the seascrapers of pollution..." Utterly fantastic work Kathryn! :D
Reply
:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner May 16, 2013
:D Aw! thank you so much! :D
Reply
:iconhumanscolopendra:
HumanScolopendra Featured By Owner Apr 28, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I love the metaphores in it.
Reply
:iconvog112:
vog112 Featured By Owner Mar 7, 2013
Hi, Kate, I like this poem and others of you. Be yourself, dear. I' m also eccentric, so I know what is feeling.
Hugs
Reply
:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Mar 7, 2013
Smiles, thank you :tighthug:!
Reply
:iconkuraitenshiv:
KuraiTenshiV Featured By Owner Feb 13, 2013  Hobbyist
its good and im always glad to see you write
Reply
:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Feb 15, 2013
:D
Reply
:iconkuraitenshiv:
KuraiTenshiV Featured By Owner Feb 15, 2013  Hobbyist
=D
Reply
:iconstory-of-a-mind:
Story-of-a-Mind Featured By Owner Feb 11, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I love the unfiltered distillation. I adore I needed my eccentricities to breathe and the idea of leaving holes in the sides where those eccentricities had been when leaving. The whole concept of dying of shallowness fascinates me.
But I can't help it, I just feel your title is to weak. It does not do your powerful poem justice yet.
Reply
:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Feb 11, 2013
I think thats because the title is to explain the concept. To explain to the person its about that the little thing broke me way more than the original issues.

Shrugs. Its personal. I dunno. I dont want to look at it right now let alone edit it lol
Reply
:iconstory-of-a-mind:
Story-of-a-Mind Featured By Owner Feb 13, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
It was just an unfiltered idea/thought of mine. Do as you please. :)
Still *puffs you in the side playfully*, do you realize how you always tend to pick to answer to this one 'negative' line out of three? ;)
Reply
:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Feb 13, 2013
haha yes I'm sorry its part of how my brain works. If I can make a positive a negative I will! XD
Reply
:iconstory-of-a-mind:
Story-of-a-Mind Featured By Owner Feb 13, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
You should try the opposite every now and then. It can be such hilarious fun to irritate a grumpy commentator with absolutely positive answers. :giggle:
Reply
:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Feb 14, 2013
:giggle: true. Do not feed the trolls :D
Reply
:iconstory-of-a-mind:
Story-of-a-Mind Featured By Owner Feb 13, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I just realize 'to puff s.b. in the side' probably does not exist. I meant what we call in German 'jemanden in die Seite knuffen'. Its a kind of playful 'punch' in the side of somebodies rips with ones elbow (ugh. That sounds incredibly violent. Like some crazy barbaric Germans punching each other out of fun. Lets say a soft playful punch. :giggle:). Normally it is used to indicate what you said is just supposed to tease the other person a little, not insult. Just like this face: ;)
Reply
:icondelliversagain:
delliversagain Featured By Owner Feb 10, 2013   General Artist
My first reaction was disturbed. the gills and cerulean gore seemed too much as if the writer is being exhibitionist; you know, screaming metaphors to sober the poor unsuspecting reader.

So in general, I don't like this poem (in that sense).

But there overall aspects of it that made me think which gives this poem some finer points.

I liked the architecture of irony how "he" thought the writer was "deep" who in the end dies in shallow waters...a puddle of all shallow waters mind yah.
Reply
:icondisrhythmic:
disrhythmic Featured By Owner Feb 10, 2013
An unfiltered distillation of a humanitarian ocean.

Now that is an awesome line. Lovely work. :heart:
Reply
:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Feb 15, 2013
:giggle: Thank you! I liked that line too!
Reply
:iconzevais:
Zevais Featured By Owner Feb 10, 2013  Hobbyist
I went to Deathbypuddle's page and saw cupcake; now I want cupcakes. I just finished my cupcakes I made the other day, darn it.
Reply
:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Feb 15, 2013
haha!
Reply
:iconveronicle:
veronicle Featured By Owner Feb 10, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
wow thats interesting and pretty cool at the same time
Reply
:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Feb 15, 2013
Thank you !
Reply
:iconveronicle:
veronicle Featured By Owner Feb 15, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
noprobz
Reply
:iconsummerday27:
summerday27 Featured By Owner Feb 10, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
simply stunning :heart:
Reply
:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Feb 15, 2013
gosh thank you!
Reply
:iconsummerday27:
summerday27 Featured By Owner Feb 16, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
You're welcome :aww:
Reply
:iconsherbetblooms:
sherbetblooms Featured By Owner Feb 10, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Love this... that exit is such a punch in the guts and a wonderful twist. :hug:
Reply
:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Feb 15, 2013
Nods, thats how it feels!
Reply
:iconsvartulf:
Svartulf Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2013   General Artist
Wonderful writing Kathryn. It's ironic that the things we love in others are the things that also drive us away.
Reply
:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Feb 15, 2013
Nods. Irony is rich in this one!
Reply
:iconnamelessshe:
NamelessShe Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
So many great lines! I think this is my favorite--->He knew that I needed my eccentricities to breathe
Reply
:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Feb 15, 2013
smiles, thank you!
Reply
:iconwinterleave:
WinterLeave Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
very very good!
Reply
:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Feb 15, 2013
You are so sweet :>
Reply
:iconfoxofebony:
FoxofEbony Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2013
I love the ending, the irony of it all :D
Reply
:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Feb 15, 2013
Nods. me too!
Reply
Add a Comment: