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Hear me read it

The night I met Jessie she was beautiful. She swayed to the almost intolerably loud music as if her bones were made of it. She was something unknown. I remember the sharp cut of her hair had run across her cheek, parallel to her carved-out cheekbone. It looked like a wig, I wanted to touch it. I wanted to touch her, and see if she felt like plastic. Who could ever believe that someone so perfect could be so real. I regret that. I regret doubting her reality.

Eventually she bought me a drink; she called it an Appleté but trapped in the pulsating fuchsia lights of the club it looked purple. It tasted like jealousy; sour and eye watering. When I told her this she laughed a little, apparently she'd heard that one before. I drank it anyway. I wanted to slot into my assigned role in her fantastical world.

We talked a little. She served other men drinks. The ones in the shadows could have been my reflection. It was confusing. There were mirrors and doorways, shadows and lights.. after a few Appleté's I wasn't sure where I began and the club ended any more. The lights occasionally threw an aqua seizure and when this happened I had to close my eyes, offended by the assault on my senses.

Although I did not notice the smell of the club there must have been one, perhaps that strong scent of pheromonic goodnights. When I think of her now I imagine her in a world that smelt like husbands sadly going home to their wives. At the time, however, I was lost in other senses, to the point that when I closed my eyes at a wave of teal I didn't know she was in front of me until she put her hand on my cheek. I jumped.

I remember that night so vividly. The colours are brighter in my memory than they were in reality. When I returned there a few months later, when they reopened the club, the lights seemed duller. I am not sure if my memory made them seem brighter that first time or if she did. I will never know.

We never had sex. In fact, apart from the side of her thumb touching my cheek we never touched. We talked- no, shouted- over the music and she smiled. She smiled, and that was all, yet somehow my heart felt frenzied with possibilities. I think that that is what these women really sold us. The possibility of change. The hope of a different course for our lives than the one we had stumbled down so far. Jessie definitely taught me that you could change your life in a night, that you could never predict what would happen, and that you should chase happiness when it calls you.

It wasn't Jessie, however, who made my life so different after that night. In the end it was Simon, a man I never met. The man responsible for bludgeoning Jessie to death in an alleyway behind the club that night. The man responsible for my rude awakening from my life. I had walked round a corner with a scrawled note promising pleasure, and found myself immersed in red. Thick congealing chunks of an illusion splattered against black brickwork. Reality. The night I met Jessie she was beautiful.
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Kathryn O'Driscoll © 2013

All rights reserved. All the materials contained in my deviantART gallery may NOT be used, reproduced, copied, edited, published, transmitted, borrowed, duplicated, printed, downloaded, or uploaded in any way without my express written permission, however feel free to contact me should you desire to use my work - as I love to share.

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What do you think? <3


Critiqued by:
~BrokenTales
=HillsOfMyst
`GrimFace242
~Lindenare
~RisingWolve
~Delta-13
~evillittleworld

in #WritersInkChat on 29/5/13
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:iconwolfdogthekiller:
This is one of the best pieces I have ever read. It was written beautiful yet easy to understand. It was so real and I like the idea that you read it yourself. This is a master piece and probably the best thing I have ever read.
I think that everyone who is on deviantart should read it. I hope you will be famous one day for this beautiful piece. I also think the words you have used were very complex yet understandable. I will add this to my favorites. Remember keep up this amazing work.
From Wolfdog The Killer
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:iconbattleknight245:
battleknight245 Featured By Owner Jan 28, 2015  Hobbyist Digital Artist
:o
True story?
Reply
:iconsneha07:
sneha07 Featured By Owner Jun 14, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
So well written! and yes, i heard your recorded voice. it was so sweet.....:love:
Reply
:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Jun 14, 2013
blushes, haha, thank you!
Reply
:iconsneha07:
sneha07 Featured By Owner Jun 14, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
your welcome! :love:
Reply
:iconxmothermoonx:
xMotherMoonx Featured By Owner Mar 25, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Ah, stunning and haunting.

I loved the imagery you wrote it with. Made me feel as if I was sitting right next to the main character throughout the entire story. I felt like the character did, from the beginning to middle and the ending.

You have a way with words darling. :heart:
Reply
:iconblubbityblub:
blubbityblub Featured By Owner Mar 24, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Stunning.
Reply
:iconpaperbackrevelations:
PaperbackRevelations Featured By Owner Mar 19, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Holy effin crap, that's what I think. I was totally entranced. I especially loved this part:
"I think that that is what these women really sold us. The possibility of change. The hope of a different course for our lives than the one we had stumbled down so far."
A little piece of clear truth.

And then that ending came outta nowhere... So well done!
Reply
:icondeaths-lament:
Deaths-Lament Featured By Owner Mar 18, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
That's beautiful, amazing, well written, eye opening and saddening..

I can definitely relate to the touch part where the mind jumps at all the possibilities, endless and opportunistic realities we can perceive in the seconds of that touch...
Reply
:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Mar 22, 2013
Thank you DL. :tighthug: I'm so glad you liked this
Reply
:icondeaths-lament:
Deaths-Lament Featured By Owner Mar 24, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
No problem KD =P :huggle: It's truly beautiful :) I saw the link at the top and listened to you read it; You have very nice voice, very calming :) I have to say, I laughed at your intro talking about not wanting to scar anybody :giggle:
Reply
:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Mar 26, 2013
blushes and chuckles, thank you! :D :D
Reply
:icondeaths-lament:
Deaths-Lament Featured By Owner Mar 27, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
No problem my dear! :D :glomp:
Reply
:iconhaphazardmelody:
haphazardmelody Featured By Owner Mar 11, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Whoa.

I didn't expect that at all.

Life sure knows how to throw a punch. I hope he learned something. I know that, from other comments I was reading, that you were trying to imply that he learned something about the fragility of life. But I'm not sure I interpret it that way. To me, it's almost as if...he knows he should have learned something, but that he isn't entirely sure what the lesson was. I hope he gets there in time.
Reply
:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Mar 22, 2013
Nods, well I appreciate that you are allowed to interpret it however you like :giggle: but from the beginning he talks about regretting doubting her 'reality' (as in, not a fantasy) and about how this guy changed his life. I think, in my mind, his life got blown away that night and he emerged from this huge trauma wiser, and able to see beauty in even his own trauma.
Reply
:iconhaphazardmelody:
haphazardmelody Featured By Owner Mar 22, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I can see that too, when I think about it. Thank you. :) One of the great things about literature, and the things you write especially, are the multiple interpretations.
Reply
:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Mar 26, 2013
I think so too :]
Reply
:icondomsaverem:
domsaverem Featured By Owner Mar 11, 2013
I love "It tasted like jealousy; sour and eye-watering..." and "...my heart felt frenzied with possibilities." I love the message of this story and the ending was a shock. Great work!!! :)
Reply
:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Mar 22, 2013
smiles, thank you so much! I'm glad it shocked you :]
Reply
:iconyoursingingsatellite:
yoursingingsatellite Featured By Owner Mar 11, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Wow, I'm really really impressed with your writing. I think this is one of the more well-written pieces in deviantart. It flows brilliantly. Strong images and nice twist at the end. One little thing: "definitely" is spelled wrong.
Are you into poetry? Could you check out one of the poems I did?
Reply
:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Mar 22, 2013
Thank you so much! I try!

I am terrible at spelling definitely. I even managed to spell it wrong twice in this comment. :facepalm:
Reply
:iconyoursingingsatellite:
yoursingingsatellite Featured By Owner Mar 30, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
it's no big deal. Even some published books have spelling mistakes :)
Reply
:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Mar 30, 2013
laughs
Reply
:iconaurora9912:
Aurora9912 Featured By Owner Mar 11, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
You had my complete attention. Your writing can become so visual-I think that's why I am such a fan. I'm not sure but you may be the only writer in my "watch". Hmmm...didn't realize that!

Love this-so raw-point comes straight through.
Reply
:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Mar 22, 2013
Thank you, and wow ! thats a huge compliment. :]
Reply
:iconsvartulf:
Svartulf Featured By Owner Mar 11, 2013   General Artist
Woah, this is amazing. I can't put it into words, but I was not expecting the ending. I do love your writing, never give up no matter what the critiques say Kathryn.
Reply
:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Mar 22, 2013
Smiles a little, I do love to surprise people. I'm such a meanie.
Reply
:iconsvartulf:
Svartulf Featured By Owner Mar 11, 2013   General Artist
*critics
Reply
:iconfoxofebony:
FoxofEbony Featured By Owner Mar 10, 2013
This is rather dark and beautiful :)
Reply
:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Mar 22, 2013
Thank you :]
Reply
:iconfoxofebony:
FoxofEbony Featured By Owner Mar 22, 2013
You're welcome :D
Reply
:iconouroborosragnarok:
OuroborosRagnarok Featured By Owner Mar 10, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
the ending felt like a punch in the gut, which is something I often strive for, but seldom manage.
Reply
:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Mar 22, 2013
:tighthug: Thank you so much
Reply
:iconouroborosragnarok:
OuroborosRagnarok Featured By Owner Mar 22, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
No prob. :)
Reply
:iconmagicaljoey:
MagicalJoey Featured By Owner Mar 10, 2013   Writer
I agree somewhat with ~Thisntme - the emotions are just to raw to not have been influenced by something.
It is extremely captivating (I hardly read prose on the internet, but something caught me - that subtle hook of some sort that you have in your prose) and the ending was unexpected yet not so shocking that it spoilt the piece itself.
:heart:
Reply
:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Mar 22, 2013
:blush: You guys are so sweet! thank you so much! :D!
Reply
:iconthisntme:
Thisntme Featured By Owner Mar 10, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
For some odd reason, this made me want to try my hand at some prose...
Very deep, and were it anyone else, I'd say that this is a very captivating piece of fiction, but I doubt that all of this is just fiction- the emotions are just too raw to not have been influenced by something =)
Keep at it =D!
Reply
:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Mar 22, 2013
That's awesome, thank you so much! :blush:
Reply
:iconthisntme:
Thisntme Featured By Owner Mar 22, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Yeah... that prose thing... it turned into a poem after about the first two sentences... BLARGH! =|
I'm still going to try though, so don't get too down =P!
Reply
:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Mar 26, 2013
laughs. Poetry is so much easier.
Reply
:iconthisntme:
Thisntme Featured By Owner Mar 26, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I had *ONE* amazing piece of semi-prose poetry that I had given my English teacher as part of an assignment... I never saw it again :| Really loved it too, but NNUU :(
Reply
:iconthe-golden-knight:
The-Golden-Knight Featured By Owner Mar 10, 2013
That's dark yet deep.
Reply
:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Mar 10, 2013
Thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed it :>
Reply
:iconfantasylover103:
fantasylover103 Featured By Owner Mar 10, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Wow. :o
Reply
:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Mar 10, 2013
Good wow or scared wow?
Reply
:iconfantasylover103:
fantasylover103 Featured By Owner Mar 10, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I don't know, this is beautiful, wow. :o
Reply
:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Mar 12, 2013
:blush: Thank you I think :giggle:!
Reply
:iconfantasylover103:
fantasylover103 Featured By Owner Mar 12, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
No problem! :3
Reply
:iconkevinlee11:
kevinlee11 Featured By Owner Mar 10, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I think that Jessie was having a really bad day :/
Reply
:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Mar 10, 2013
I think you might be right.
Reply
:iconkevinlee11:
kevinlee11 Featured By Owner Mar 10, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I also think it means that the speaker has nothing to complain about. He is still alive, and the death of one girl he know for one night should not make him depressed, it should make him realize that he/she has the power to change their own lives. Just like Simon changed Jessie's life.

Just my 2 cents though. :P
Reply
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