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Psalms And Sermons by DeaconStrucktor

Stories, Poetry by 6-9Changeling


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Submitted on
April 19, 2013
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I punched the wall.

The paper broke, a split lipped frown.
That was the thin veneer of joy you painted over my cracks with.

I punched the wall.

The paper bloomed into a paprika tulip.
That was the rusting screw in your jaw swinging off its hinge with your lies.

I punched the wall.

The paint broke into a smile
and I chipped out its teeth. They were the over polished hopes of our future.

I punched the wall.

The plaster spluttered out a storm.
Smooth and sleepy; I scratched at its eyes for promising to look out for me.

I punched the wall.

The plaster coughed hard again.
My anger was a consumption and its tendrils spasmed out from the source.

I punched the wall.

The plaster caved into a hole,
reminding me of all I'd given you and would never get back.

I didn't punch the wall

When the dust settled and its small red brick heart lay exposed, vulnerable, afraid,
I couldn't.

You punched the wall.
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Kathryn O'Driscoll © 2013


Revised copyright 2013. All rights reserved. All the materials contained in my deviantART gallery may NOT be used, reproduced, copied, edited, published, transmitted, borrowed, duplicated, printed, downloaded, or uploaded in any way without my express written permission, however feel free to contact me should you desire to use my work - as I love to share.
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:iconjojinxed:
Jojinxed Featured By Owner Aug 6, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Gallery this looks great for the lyrics of a song.
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:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Aug 7, 2013
yay :D
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:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Jul 24, 2013
It's a metaphor for a break up. When things start to fall apart but whe nthe other person smashes it to pieces you're still shocked and broken down as a person
Reply
:iconamysforest:
AmysForest Featured By Owner May 31, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
This is beautiful, made me want to cry. I'm just getting into poetry and I really aspire to have so much emotion in every word. It flows amazingly, and the repetition then contrast is so powerful. This really touched my heart thank you so much for sharing this with everyone. As I said I really aspire to write like you, it would be an honour for you to read my work *-* just wow :heart: :hug:
Reply
:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Jun 1, 2013
:blush: Thank you so much, I am proud of this one. :]
Reply
:iconblarggg12345:
blarggg12345 Featured By Owner May 28, 2013
:iconwhutplz: wow ♥
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:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner May 28, 2013
:blush: Thank you so much!
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:iconghostoftheemptygrave:
So much symbolism... Amazing.
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:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner May 28, 2013
:blush: Thank you!
Reply
:iconshehrozeameen:
shehrozeameen Featured By Owner May 20, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I feel a sense of betrayal and disheartening melancholy in this work. That melancholy is taking a form of anger that is very clear and very vividly described. The rest of the symbolism in this work - not going into details - are well handled, and do manage to help understand what the person is saying.... But they have subliminal messages, and it is only when one understands these messages that one can understand the full extent of this poem's work...

And its really big...
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:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner May 24, 2013
Nods, it was a very emotional piece to write..
Reply
:iconshehrozeameen:
shehrozeameen Featured By Owner May 25, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
:hug: hope you're feeling better.
Reply
:iconsunrayelle:
Sunrayelle Featured By Owner May 19, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Wow... I love the extended metaphor and repetition, and how it flips at the end... so moving and heartbreaking and wow... I love it
Reply
:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner May 24, 2013
Smiles, thank you so much!
Reply
:iconsunrayelle:
Sunrayelle Featured By Owner May 24, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
You're welcome!
Reply
:iconbrain-tree:
brain-tree Featured By Owner Apr 28, 2013   General Artist
This is quite powerful work, great job.

I will say I second *0hgravity's suggestion. Makes for a much nicer flow, I think.
Reply
:iconrosary0fsighs:
Rosary0fSighs Featured By Owner Apr 22, 2013
I love this.
"The paper bloomed into a paprika tulip.
That was the rusting screw in your jaw swinging off its hinge "

that bit in particular.
Really well done!
Reply
:iconpuzzledheartbox:
PuzzledHeartBox Featured By Owner Apr 21, 2013
Nice work, though I'm not too sure about the repetition, the work itself has a strong message.
Reply
:icontrueshinken:
trueshinken Featured By Owner Apr 20, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Wow, that was powerful.
Reply
:iconvellusz:
vellusz Featured By Owner Apr 19, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Nicely done!

One problem I saw: "My anger was a consumption and its tendrils spasmed out from the source." <-- What is anger? Anger is an abstraction that is better conveyed through "showing" rather than "telling". I think "Fiery tendrils spasmed out from the source consumed me." or something similar would have done the trick.
Reply
:iconstellastarfish:
StellaStarfish Featured By Owner Apr 19, 2013  Student General Artist
This is amazing :)
Reply
:icon0hgravity:
0hgravity Featured By Owner Apr 19, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
I like the coiled energy that is released with each "I punched the wall".

I would suggest removing "with" here: That was the thin veneer of joy you painted over my cracks with.
Reply
:iconsilent-intrigant:
Silent-Intrigant Featured By Owner Apr 19, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Awesomely amazing!
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:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Apr 19, 2013
:blush: thank you Silent!
Reply
:iconsilent-intrigant:
Silent-Intrigant Featured By Owner Apr 19, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
You're welcome, Kathryn! You may call me Diana, if you wish!
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:iconfoxofebony:
FoxofEbony Featured By Owner Apr 19, 2013
Brilliant :D
Reply
:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Apr 19, 2013
:o thank you!
Reply
:iconfoxofebony:
FoxofEbony Featured By Owner Apr 19, 2013
you're welcome :D
Reply
:iconwinterleave:
WinterLeave Featured By Owner Apr 19, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
AMAZING <3
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:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Apr 19, 2013
:o oh gosh! thank you!
Reply
:iconwinterleave:
WinterLeave Featured By Owner Apr 20, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
You're welcome!
Reply
:icon6-9changeling:
6-9Changeling Featured By Owner Apr 19, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Love, love, love!!
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:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Apr 19, 2013
:D yay! Thank you!!
Reply
:icon6-9changeling:
6-9Changeling Featured By Owner Apr 19, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
No problem!!!
Reply
:iconlittleblueraccoon:
littleblueraccoon Featured By Owner Apr 19, 2013  Student Writer
I love this!
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:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Apr 19, 2013
awesome! :D Thank you :D
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