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What about those thursday mornings
when you'd wake up and find your ribcage door
swung open again by the nightmares
with an owl nesting, and pecking at your heart muscle?
What about those thursday mornings
and having to fold your elbows around your knees
to stop yourself from losing anything important
as the mechanics shook and shook you
and the pain cracked you, bones and blisters?

What about those tuesday afternoons
when you hear that familiar sound that makes you cry,
that hissing noise that warns you of upcoming agony
and you can taste it in your mouth again, so familiar -
what about those tuesday afternoons
when you swallow your words and the drugs
to try and stop it from coming back
but it returns just the same and against your will
you hear yourself still breathing?

What about it?

What about those hazy sunday evenings
when the fine line between oh-god-make-it-stop
and please-god-let-it-end gets blurry somehow
and you don't remember how much you drank, or what?
What about those desperate monday mornings
when blue lights highlight blue veins
and your blue mood turns black because you know
that you didn't take enough?

What about those thrilling wednesdays when
for a fraction of a second someone makes you laugh
and you forget, like clockwork you forget,
and you don't even hear your heart tick-tick-ticking away
the fractured moments of the thrilling wednesday when
for a moment you forgot that everybody leaves or dies,
except you - because you have to live on in purgatory, in agony,
for what you did, for being born, for being broken?

What about it?  

Tell me about those beautifully painted saccharine slate days then.
I want to see you expose yourself to the reality of a life turned sour,
want to see your veins open to the elements
and full of the dust and grit of a hard day digging yourself out of the hole.
I want to taste mud in your blood, and see tears in your shoes.
Be real with me, and tell me, tell me all about it.
This is about my reality, no one elses. I can't speak for anyone else but me. This is what it was like for me not being able to leave my house for seven and a half years.

If you are in a similar place, I just want you to know that you can claw your way out. It breaks all your fingernails, your bones, your will, but its possible. I just finished my first year of a degree as a mature student. Every day is still hard, but I do it anyway. Keep clawing.
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:iconsilverkitten757:
This piece is so beautifully written, I can hear every word. I can see every word. Painted beautifully through every haunting line, every descriptive sentence, it is inspirational and dark. It's one of those things that anybody can relate to, everybody can fear, and everybody can love. Once in a blue moon, a poem like this can be beautiful, but true, and so, so descriptive all at once. You read this like you read a good book, slowly, slowly, and then you restart it. Keep up the good work, I can tell you put a lot of thought in to this. :)
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:iconprettyflour:
prettyflour Featured By Owner Aug 17, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
This has been Featured in my journal!

prettyflour.deviantart.com/jou…

Heart Heart Heart Heart 
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:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Aug 18, 2014
Thank you hon <3
Reply
:iconsammur-amat:
Sammur-amat Featured By Owner Aug 4, 2014   General Artist
right in the feels, sweetheart. :tighthug:
bloody beautiful is what you are and what your work will always be. :heart:
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:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Aug 8, 2014
:D!!! 
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:iconleftunfinished:
LeftUnfinished Featured By Owner Jul 10, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
No! Today's a Thursday!
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:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Jul 18, 2014
Nods
Reply
:iconguineveretogwen:
GuinevereToGwen Featured By Owner Jun 21, 2014  Student Writer
I love the structure, how you've separated the poem by weekday, and how the days aren't in order, like they sort of all bleed together. Gosh, I just love EVERYTHING about this. :heart:
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:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Jun 22, 2014
:blush: Thank you Gwen! :love: So happy you enjoyed this!
Reply
:iconglitteringstars:
GlitteringStars Featured By Owner Jun 20, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
It is amazing how well you can express these things. I am lost under the surface of a ocean of lies and shadows covered by a mist of misunderstanding, and I am finally reaching the point I can escape because of you. I am trying to murder the lies and light the shadows, and breaking the misunderstanding, showing the world what must be shared that is hidden by each lie spoken. You have inspired me to finally stand up and show the world what it has done to innocent people.
Reply
:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Jun 22, 2014
Thank you so much, blushes, you are so sweet. This is ^ the very reason why I continue to share my work on this site.
Reply
:iconglitteringstars:
GlitteringStars Featured By Owner Jun 22, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
:) Eh, I am not very sweet. 
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:icondeaths-lament:
Deaths-Lament Featured By Owner Jun 20, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
This is so god damn beautiful and raw and agonising and although I don't know what you've been through or are going through and will probably never know, this puts it across in one hell of a way. It's like a speech you've written, I can pretty much hear it in your voic when i read it.

Its beautiful, raw, emotional and incredible. Well done in your degree too :heart: Keep clawing :huggle:
Reply
:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Jun 22, 2014
:tears: Thank you honey, you are so sweet. I always look forward to your comments, they are sunshine for me <3
Reply
:icondeaths-lament:
Deaths-Lament Featured By Owner Jun 23, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
awk i'm so glad I can brighten your day :heart: :huggle: You're too sweet. You deserve all the praise you get though, your poetry and prose are incredible :hug:
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:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Jun 23, 2014
:love: No you are too sweet :giggle:
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:icondeaths-lament:
Deaths-Lament Featured By Owner Jun 24, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Nope, you are :huggle:
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:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Jun 24, 2014
Um nope fraid not thats you.
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:iconcaddman:
caddman Featured By Owner Jun 19, 2014  Professional General Artist
...nice work my friend...:heart:
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:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Jun 22, 2014
Thank you sweets <3 
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:iconcaddman:
caddman Featured By Owner Jun 23, 2014  Professional General Artist
My pleasure Free avatar - florzinha by HappyShadow
Have a nice week :iconhappydayplz:
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:iconhaphazardmelody:
haphazardmelody Featured By Owner Jun 19, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
This is just beautiful. This was my reality for a few months...I can't even imagine dealing with it for over seven years. :heart: You are incredible, and so is this piece.
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:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Jun 22, 2014
So are you, time lost meaning to be honest. I don't feel like I'm 26 (almost 27 x_x), I feel like I'm about 22. What a waste of time (literally)
Reply
:iconhaphazardmelody:
haphazardmelody Featured By Owner Jun 24, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
But hey, moving forward is what matters. Time is relative.
Reply
:icontheweelad:
TheWeeLad Featured By Owner Jun 18, 2014
I remember those thursdays, cold shiver terror drown out the sound of my demand for freedom, my demand for reason but reason escaped me and though not blight of the body blight of the mind finds its way as a hobby for empty soul,

I remember those fridays, the rest are a blur, just more days searching for a pulse in the lich that was me, free? even the bee's were more free and they were the ones that were afraid of me, the only escape to love or adventure or friendship or anything that was not me swallowing my own self mixed poison one level deeper was another of the prisons I had built for myself, slumber the only gateway to heaven, slumber the very thing keeping my body in hell,

I remember saturdays, a break form the frozen waste of my own company and a trip to the land of zealotry, A terrifying separation from the satisfaction of lust and loneliness and boredom, better to learn holy, (self)righteous anger at a world full of heathens and sinners than to try actual healing, everyone was a doctor apparently, but no-one had a cure for me... well... my mind anyway.

We may not all have been stuck down the same holes, but holes they were and clawing we can understand... especially when you have the gift of the words of an experienced climber.

thank you for this, I hang at the precipice of that hole many a day, I had a good day today, hope for a better one tomorrow.

I name you Sherpa of the mount, more than clawing, KEEP CLIMBING.
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:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Jun 22, 2014
Thank you. I didnt reply to this right away because I kept re reading it. 

:tighthug: You are so sweet, to open up and share with me and help me feel less alone with this. It really means a lot. Thank you for your love and support with this. Keep climbing too - it gets easier. slowly.
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:iconghostoftheemptygrave:
You're overcoming your demons. Keep it up, you have my support :huggle:
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:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Jun 22, 2014
:tighthug: and you can't imagine how much I appreciate it.
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:iconghostoftheemptygrave:
Awww :hug:
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:iconstargirl2791:
stargirl2791 Featured By Owner Jun 18, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
i really like the first four lines!
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:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Jun 22, 2014
Thanks!
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:iconhelenadoodle:
helenadoodle Featured By Owner Jun 17, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
it's good that you're writing this, let it out <3 amazing job <3
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:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Jun 18, 2014
Hugs. Thank you :) it helped
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:iconpianocanival:
Pianocanival Featured By Owner Jun 17, 2014  Professional General Artist
I hate you and love you at the same time. I can't stop dem feelz :iconfeelplz: It touches me in the very heart and I know those feelings. If you want to talk about it, feel free to send me a note, that I'm willing to listen. Even though I don't really know you, know that I send you a strong hug :icondragonhugplz: Be brave and have courage, and other people will come :) 

Lot of love :heart:
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:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Jun 18, 2014
:tighthug: oh thank you. So much. It was an excruciating time for me
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:iconpianocanival:
Pianocanival Featured By Owner Jun 18, 2014  Professional General Artist
:glomp: I imagine
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:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Jun 18, 2014
:tighthug:
Reply
:iconpianocanival:
Pianocanival Featured By Owner Jun 19, 2014  Professional General Artist
:iconbrohugplz:
Reply
:iconkloe-oki:
kloe-oki Featured By Owner Jun 17, 2014
wow...i just...whoa
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:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Jun 17, 2014
Sorry
Reply
:iconkloe-oki:
kloe-oki Featured By Owner Jun 18, 2014
no no! it's a good whoa. i love it. i'm just like speechless
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:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Jun 22, 2014
:tighthug:
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:iconkloe-oki:
kloe-oki Featured By Owner Jun 24, 2014
^.^
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:iconlissomer:
Lissomer Featured By Owner Jun 17, 2014  Student Writer
this is incredible.
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:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Jun 17, 2014
Oh thank you. It helped me to talk about it
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:iconphantomtigers:
Phantomtigers Featured By Owner Edited Jun 17, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
I love the imagery in this ! Especially the first verse
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:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Jun 17, 2014
Yay thanks!
Reply
:iconnightshade-keyblade:
nightshade-keyblade Featured By Owner Jun 17, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Kath-ryn! Kath-ryn! Kath-ryn! :krissicheer: 
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:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Jun 17, 2014
:giggle: Thank you :rose: I feel more relaxed now.
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June 17, 2014
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