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Submitted on
December 26, 2013
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The sea never falls asleep
it shuffles, half drowning
in its own unspent dreams,
trying desperately to stay afloat
its glittering eyes reflecting stars
as it shudders and groans
under the weight of another day,
as the sun turns to treacle
and spreads itself thinly
across its ridge-d-back.
It tumbles and trips over,
clumsy in its deprivation state,
and tosses its limbs, its head,
over and again. It stays awake.
It can't afford to dream of rain
drumming upon its lonely door
to accompany it for eternity,
No. The sea can never fall asleep.
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:iconlegolaspanther:
This is definitely a quiet and relaxing type of poem to read. Its essence offers comfort, and its quietness, peace. I find it interesting that your title is called 'Unwilling Awakeness'. It offers the reader a thought on what might be next. When I read this, it gave me a vision of a quiet sea lapping by the shore.

As for technique, it wouldn't hurt to add a couple of periods in there on certain sentences though. Line 1 is one example. Just certain pauses wouldn't hurt to add one.

You are doing an awesome job on your poetry Kathryn!
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:iconbeyondjen:
BeyondJen Jan 17, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Beautiful.
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:iconbeyondjen:
BeyondJen Jan 22, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
'Tis my pleasure. :)
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:iconprussianpersephone:
PrussianPersephone Jan 7, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
This kind of runs on with itself a bit too much, but it's very lovely and almost lethargic. In a good way.
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:iconbloodshotink:
I feel like the sea does too :giggle:
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:iconwallawallaw:
so it is... the sea always falls, and rises... never getting tired, always pushing further...
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:icon0hgravity:
0hgravity Dec 28, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
really love those opening lines and definitely a fresh perspective on the sea, at least it is to me.
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:iconbloodshotink:
! Thank you! :D Yay!
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:icon0hgravity:
0hgravity Dec 28, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
^^
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