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I thread a vein out through a scalpel notch;
and use it as a ribbon to present my heart to you.
I cough a little spare blood. I didn't need it.
I lick the copper from my silenced subterfuge mouth
and it reminds me of the prostitution of my soul
as I pour myself over other men's empty hands
in the dying hope that someone might hold on.
I smear my wrist against a digital canvas and cry;
I give it all to you freely, and nothing in return.
You smile. I break. You hear but you don't listen;
you just throw another single penny for my thoughts.
I still love you though. Just some nights I get sad that you put me center stage and applaud when I weep. The reborn Lady Lazarus.

Inspired by my 100 theme challenge prompt "penny for your thoughts". Here I used it with the context that in England a penny is not much value (just in case people didn't know that I thought it was important for the poem).

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Kathryn O'Driscoll © 2012


Revised copyright 2013. All rights reserved. All the materials contained in my deviantART gallery may NOT be used, reproduced, copied, edited, published, transmitted, borrowed, duplicated, printed, downloaded, or uploaded in any way without my express written permission, however feel free to contact me should you desire to use my work - as I love to share.
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:iconchromeantennae:
chromeantennae Featured By Owner May 8, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
This piece is rough, raw, but well-executed.
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:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner May 11, 2014
Thank you honey
Reply
:iconchromeantennae:
chromeantennae Featured By Owner May 11, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
My pleasure, lovely. <3
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:iconsithis666:
Sithis666 Featured By Owner Dec 15, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Holy.. wow. This affected me more then i thought it would. This is... relateable. I feel for you i truly do, and i am sorry you felt/feel this way.. although i did bring out a lovely poem. I love it <3
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:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Dec 16, 2013
:tighthug: Thank you, so so much. :tighthug: 
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:iconnearlyinvisiblemind:
NearlyInvisibleMind Featured By Owner Sep 12, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Amazing:clap:
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:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Sep 15, 2013
:D Thanks!
Reply
:iconnearlyinvisiblemind:
NearlyInvisibleMind Featured By Owner Sep 15, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
You are very welcome:frail:
Reply
:iconstory-of-a-mind:
Story-of-a-Mind Featured By Owner Sep 12, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
:hug:
There you go holding the darkest mirror in front of us. And it's true partially. You banish your pain on paper and we speak about how great it is. But know this: every "this is wonderful" goes out there actually meaning "you are wonderful" too. You are wonderful and we are amazed by the inner beauty and dignity you still manage to carry though all that pain.
 
And know this as well: My most favourite of your poems so far is none about breaking, but the one about getting up again: fav.me/d5q4q2v
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:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Sep 15, 2013
:tighthug: Thank you, thats so nice to hear. Sometimes I get upset. I know its stupid,
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:iconstory-of-a-mind:
Story-of-a-Mind Featured By Owner Sep 15, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
:tighthug: It's very human to have such thoughts. ;)
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:iconkoppo:
Koppo Featured By Owner Sep 10, 2013
Something Penny Lane might have written,ha. not bad.
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:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Sep 11, 2013
:D Thanks
Reply
:iconasecretoutlet:
asecretoutlet Featured By Owner Sep 10, 2013
(to be more specific, I love the vein as a ribbon, that's simply beautiful, and "I cough a little spare blood. I didn't need it." and "You smile. I break. You hear but you don't listen;/ you just throw another single penny for my thoughts." Those lines were especially gorgeous)
Reply
:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Sep 11, 2013
:love: Thank you so much!! I'm thrilled you liked this :]
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:iconasecretoutlet:
asecretoutlet Featured By Owner Sep 10, 2013
lovely!!!
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:iconemorockchic:
Emorockchic Featured By Owner Sep 10, 2013
Awesome i really loved it!! It was unique and understandable
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:iconblackcat19964:
blackcat19964 Featured By Owner Sep 10, 2013  Student Writer
This really touched my heart. Thank you
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:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Sep 10, 2013
Thank you :tighthug:
Reply
:iconblackcat19964:
blackcat19964 Featured By Owner Sep 10, 2013  Student Writer
^_^
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:iconruntofthelitter:
RuntOfTheLitter Featured By Owner Sep 6, 2013
Excellent writing above! This old geezer has found that no one can take away their own, self respect or dignity. Each  person must 'allow' such to be given away. Just my DUMB TWO cents worth. SMILES.

My BEST, ROTL
Reply
:icondaghrgenzeen:
Daghrgenzeen Featured By Owner Sep 6, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
This brought tears to my eyes. No kidding. Asfdfgljsdf.
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:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Sep 9, 2013
:tighthug: In an odd way, thank you... because that made me feel like you were sad that I was sad? I dunno. Either way, thanks.
Reply
:icondaghrgenzeen:
Daghrgenzeen Featured By Owner Sep 10, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
:huggle: Yeah... Your writing touched my heart deeply. ^^; :rose:
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:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Sep 9, 2013
:tighthug: In an odd way, thank you... because that made me feel like you were sad that I was sad? I dunno. Either way, thanks.
Reply
:iconprussianpersephone:
PrussianPersephone Featured By Owner Sep 5, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Sometimes people don't know how to see through it.

I know at times I don't but I'll still always try so I can be there for others when and if they need me.
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:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Sep 5, 2013
Nods, sorry, sometimes it just gets on top of m e
Reply
:icontarosmyr:
TarosMyr Featured By Owner Sep 5, 2013   Writer
I love this. Personal. Defiant. And yet submissive. "You smile. I break."

We would not be reading if you had not this to offer. It is continually wonderful.
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:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Sep 5, 2013
:[ Thank you honey
Reply
:iconbahama-dreams:
Bahama-dreams Featured By Owner Sep 5, 2013
This is great work, as is all your work. You write wonderfully and I don't think anyone celebrates or talks about how great it is that you're sad. But no one can help but applaud your infinite talent at the expressive word.  I've rarely seen anyone who matches your wordsmithing. 
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:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Sep 5, 2013
:'] you are too nice to me. but thank you. that helps
Reply
:iconbahama-dreams:
Bahama-dreams Featured By Owner Sep 5, 2013
You know I've got nothin but love!
Reply
:iconkurokamen:
Kurokamen Featured By Owner Sep 5, 2013  Student Filmographer
In light of the pragmatic result of venting your psuedo intellectual perspective of "Love," just remember that "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger." And though such a simplistic concept such as said endurance does somewhat belittle your otherwise great poem, just remember the human potential to alleviate a trivial dilemna such as heartbreak can be done with time. With that understanding, people adapt if granted the motivations and willpower to, if not improve. Steel your resolve and all that is left is enlightenment. I might be a guy and sexism applies differently towards these matters but, non the less, heartbreak is is unisex.
Reply
:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Sep 5, 2013
Interesting comment, thank you! However for me at least this poem wasn't about love or heartbreak. At least not the romantic kind. But poetry is open to interpretation by the reader :)
Reply
:iconkurokamen:
Kurokamen Featured By Owner Sep 5, 2013  Student Filmographer
Thanks for the swift reply, would you care as to enlighten me with what the actual interpretation is? There's nothing worse than to misunderstand a persons feelings in scenario's like these.
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:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Sep 5, 2013
It's a great honour to have such a supportive group of people here on deviantart who enjoy my work and encourage me in that way, but sometimes it gets overwhelming. I am a very lonely person and sometimes I get very very low, I write about it, share it, and people say how wonderful it is. Which is great for my work but painful for me to be in so much pain and have people talk about how great it is.

I love my audience, and I love helping them understand themselves better, but as a lonely weak person; sometimes i get sad.
Reply
:iconkurokamen:
Kurokamen Featured By Owner Sep 5, 2013  Student Filmographer
I'm very honored that you'd share your feelings to a stranger and you have my sympathy for your sadness. I can't offer much but the advice I give. Poetry in itself personifies the idealogy of man. Change your poetry and you change yourself. I'm not sure in what context you are "weak," in but, to know the existence of strength, becomes the pursuit of your solution. Sometimes it takes one extreme to know the other. If you are alone, know that you can only "gain," affection. It's up to you to decide if you accept or reject that affection, much like the advice I give. But know that I hate to intrude and if you find this harmful then disregard me for a silly stranger passing by.
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:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Sep 5, 2013
It's not that simple for me sadly, but I appreciate that a stranger took the time to try and help. It made me feel better, so thank oyou <3
Reply
:iconoseltamivir:
Oseltamivir Featured By Owner Sep 5, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Never thought of it that way before.  I think a lot us are just oddly relieved that you put into words something we could not express ourselves, and thus lessened our own burdens a little.

Before I read your note, this poem had a completely different meaning to me.  It actually made me cry because the way I interpreted it, I could really relate to it.  But it makes more sense knowing your intention for it after all.  

As always, brilliant writing.
Reply
:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Sep 5, 2013
:tighthug: I wonder how you interpreted it that it made you so sad.

And I love my audience and helping them, I do. That's why I keep writing, just some nights I wish people saw me through my words.
Reply
:iconcskadoz:
cskadoz Featured By Owner Sep 4, 2013   General Artist
:clap: x 1000 beautifully writ. 
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:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Sep 5, 2013
Thank you
Reply
:icontirasunil:
tirasunil Featured By Owner Sep 4, 2013  Student Writer
So much emotion in your writing, and often so much pain...you frequently say the things I wish I could. Well-done again.
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:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Sep 5, 2013
:tighthug: thank you that's lovely to hear
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:icontirasunil:
tirasunil Featured By Owner Sep 5, 2013  Student Writer
Yep. :)
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:iconnldarkstripe:
nldarkstripe Featured By Owner Sep 4, 2013
Im sorry... you must think me stupid, and dont get me wrong, i love the way this is written, but i dont exactly understand it...?
Reply
:iconghostoftheemptygrave:
GhostOfTheEmptyGrave Featured By Owner Sep 4, 2013
It's a weird feeling, isn't it? Getting recognition for sad, negative things we do. 
And, no matter my mood, I hate being at center stage. Low profile is my way of life.
Reply
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