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Submitted on
May 26
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"Because it's a pain that I can control when it stops, whereas the pain inside. It doesn't stop. It never stops. It's not control over the pain I need, its that power to decide when enough is enough."

That's what she told me when I asked her why she cut. But that wasn't the whole truth. And as the tally etched down her legs, the reverse of the marking of ages against a doorjamb in her parent's house, I saw another truth. I gave her space until she felt safe enough to say it out loud. An addendum to the truth:

"I need the scars, I need to be able to blame them for being unlovable. Need to be able to blame my past, my craziness, the pain and those who caused it for being unlovable. For no one wanting me. Need them to cover my body so people see them first and the shape of me second. I need them as a mask. Because if the scars are gone then the truth is obvious. That no one wants me because of my body first, and my mind second.. and I can't blame anyone but myself for those things. The scars aren't my way of showing I need love and support, they are my way of hiding the fact that I understand why no one wants to give it to me."
If you don't self harm - don't try it. It is highly addictive and solves nothing.

If you do, then I'm sorry. :tighthug: and keep fighting to stop. 


This is NOT reflective of all self harmers, merely one girls thoughts about herself. If you want to know why someone cuts you should ask THEM because everyone is different.
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:iconzohrahash:
ZohrahAsh Featured By Owner Sep 6, 2014  New member Hobbyist Artist
I love this so much - I can't stop reading it. It's as if you're taking muddled up words out of my mind and write something so beautiful yet depressing.
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:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Sep 9, 2014
:tighthug: 
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:iconnightmarewolf123:
NightmareWolf123 Featured By Owner Jun 20, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
The more I read of yours, the more of a fan I become. I cut, and try to stop, but it actually helps me from slipping into insanity, and I have been trying to find ways to stay sane. I find this helpful. Thank you for contributing this to the deviantART community.
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:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Jun 22, 2014
:love:

Thank you for reading, it makes it worth being so vulnerable to help people somewhat
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:iconnightmarewolf123:
NightmareWolf123 Featured By Owner Jun 22, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
:)
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:iconfairytail1o1:
FAIRYTAIL1O1 Featured By Owner Jun 19, 2014  Student General Artist
cutting is addictive
this much i know
clean for a year and a half 
if i may just say so
to bad that restarted on sunday night.

(i tend to answer/comment with some sort of poetic flare... woops)
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:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Jun 22, 2014
:tighthug:
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:iconhaphazardmelody:
haphazardmelody Featured By Owner Jun 9, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
This is incredibly brave for you to post.

I know you don't necessarily believe this, but you are a beautiful person inside and out. I've seen pictures of you as well as these little glimpses into your soul, so I can truthfully say that. I know you feel ugly, I know you feel broken, and I know you feel unlovable.

But we love you anyway. And I hope that helps. :huggle:
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:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Jun 15, 2014
:tighthug: You are crazy but its why I love you. hehe. <3



Thank you
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:iconhaphazardmelody:
haphazardmelody Featured By Owner Jun 16, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Hey, what I said isn't crazy. Just honest. :heart:
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