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Writing by ithaswhatitisnt

Writing by MatieuCanadaWilliams

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Submitted on
May 7


48 (who?)
You could ask my father what it’s like to heave a tangle of swollen limbs uphill in his arms. You could ask him how you carry a child’s wheelchair, still occupied and squirming. You could ask about the muscles burning in the back of legs and the shoulders and the wrists. You could.

You could ask him to tell you how slowly I walk, how my feet got stuck in mud pools often, how I complained at carrying myself so far whilst he carried himself and her. You could, but don’t. I am ashamed to hear of it.

You could ask my sister why she laughed so hard when a sprite of wind stole a handful of crisps from her packet and threw them up into the air. You could ask her what she saw in that potato confetti as it soared over the cliff edge and tumbled into the sea. You could ask her why it took her so long to realise that they were gone. Why it took so long to realise that crisps dashed on rock blades can’t be fisted into wet mouths and tasted. Their salt dissolves into the ocean and is forgotten. You could ask her why she cried until I gave her my crisps as well.

You could ask my mother, if you had no conscience about such things, who emptied the bag? Who tipped out the bag, or box, or bowl, and made my once-laughing sister one with the soundscape. You could ask her if the remains of a body flicked into her eyes, and if that’s why she wept. You could ask her.

You could ask me why I laid pinecones and primroses, and why that hectic bluff calls me back each year in April. You could ask me why I talk to myself and inhale so deeply, watch the sea so intently, touch the trees so mindfully. You could ask me.

You could ask how it feels to grow new skin, cut new teeth, curl new smiles without her. You could ask us how we stay a family, without her.  You could ask, but we wouldn’t know.

This is a performance poetry piece, to see me perform it please click here!

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Hello again!
This was a beautiful piece without doubt and I see almost nothing wrong with it.

Once again, your position puts you in an awesome place to write, as originality is something easy for you. This one was sort of the opposite of the last piece of yours I critique'd in that is was one of those that progressively got better as the ball got rolling. The impact was incredible especially in the last line. I really love it.

My one complaint is that I didn't quite see the relevance of the fourth and fifth paragraphs. I think it could have been more relevant to the title and object at hand.

Once again though, this was really moving and I love the technique for performance pieces. You must teach me how to do this :P
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1707reb Featured By Owner Aug 20, 2014
I had to read this a few times to settle on my opinion of the poem, and indeed the last line left a lasting impression... Why would you know? After all she's still as much a part of the family as she ever was and although she's not alive in person she's alive in the world around you... That's just my interpretation anyway! :) 
Beautiful imagery! 
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Aug 30, 2014
It's an interesting interpretation to consider! Thank you! <33
cerealnovels Featured By Owner May 12, 2014
The last line is so powerful and so very true.
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Jun 15, 2014
:tighthug: :nod: Is for me. Thank you.
BlackBowfin Featured By Owner May 10, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Beautiful work.  Completely riveting.
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner May 11, 2014
oh gosh, thank you :tears: That means so much
saltwaterlungs Featured By Owner May 8, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
I LOVE THIS! Gah, the imagery and word usage and the deep look into the characters from only a few short paragraphs. Gorgeous, absolutely gorgeous.
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner May 11, 2014
:tears: Oh thank you. Although, I hope it doesnt ruin this poem for you to know this, but for me at least they arent characters, because this is 100% true.
saltwaterlungs Featured By Owner May 11, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Goodness, it doesn't ruin anything. It enhances it and make the emotions much larger
bunocerous Featured By Owner May 8, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
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