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Submitted on
May 7, 2014
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You could ask my father what it’s like to heave a tangle of swollen limbs uphill in his arms. You could ask him how you carry a child’s wheelchair, still occupied and squirming. You could ask about the muscles burning in the back of legs and the shoulders and the wrists. You could.

You could ask him to tell you how slowly I walk, how my feet got stuck in mud pools often, how I complained at carrying myself so far whilst he carried himself and her. You could, but don’t. I am ashamed to hear of it.

You could ask my sister why she laughed so hard when a sprite of wind stole a handful of crisps from her packet and threw them up into the air. You could ask her what she saw in that potato confetti as it soared over the cliff edge and tumbled into the sea. You could ask her why it took her so long to realise that they were gone. Why it took so long to realise that crisps dashed on rock blades can’t be fisted into wet mouths and tasted. Their salt dissolves into the ocean and is forgotten. You could ask her why she cried until I gave her my crisps as well.

You could ask my mother, if you had no conscience about such things, who emptied the bag? Who tipped out the bag, or box, or bowl, and made my once-laughing sister one with the soundscape. You could ask her if the remains of a body flicked into her eyes, and if that’s why she wept. You could ask her.

You could ask me why I laid pinecones and primroses, and why that hectic bluff calls me back each year in April. You could ask me why I talk to myself and inhale so deeply, watch the sea so intently, touch the trees so mindfully. You could ask me.

You could ask how it feels to grow new skin, cut new teeth, curl new smiles without her. You could ask us how we stay a family, without her.  You could ask, but we wouldn’t know.

This is a performance poetry piece, to see me perform it please click here!

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:iconlike1guy:
Hello again!
This was a beautiful piece without doubt and I see almost nothing wrong with it.

Once again, your position puts you in an awesome place to write, as originality is something easy for you. This one was sort of the opposite of the last piece of yours I critique'd in that is was one of those that progressively got better as the ball got rolling. The impact was incredible especially in the last line. I really love it.

My one complaint is that I didn't quite see the relevance of the fourth and fifth paragraphs. I think it could have been more relevant to the title and object at hand.

Once again though, this was really moving and I love the technique for performance pieces. You must teach me how to do this :P
Sincerely,
Like1guy
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:icon1707reb:
1707reb Featured By Owner Aug 20, 2014
I had to read this a few times to settle on my opinion of the poem, and indeed the last line left a lasting impression... Why would you know? After all she's still as much a part of the family as she ever was and although she's not alive in person she's alive in the world around you... That's just my interpretation anyway! :) 
Beautiful imagery! 
Reply
:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Aug 30, 2014
It's an interesting interpretation to consider! Thank you! <33
Reply
:iconcerealnovels:
cerealnovels Featured By Owner May 12, 2014
The last line is so powerful and so very true.
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:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Jun 15, 2014
:tighthug: :nod: Is for me. Thank you.
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:iconblackbowfin:
BlackBowfin Featured By Owner May 10, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Beautiful work.  Completely riveting.
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:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner May 11, 2014
oh gosh, thank you :tears: That means so much
Reply
:iconsaltwaterlungs:
saltwaterlungs Featured By Owner May 8, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
I LOVE THIS! Gah, the imagery and word usage and the deep look into the characters from only a few short paragraphs. Gorgeous, absolutely gorgeous.
Reply
:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner May 11, 2014
:tears: Oh thank you. Although, I hope it doesnt ruin this poem for you to know this, but for me at least they arent characters, because this is 100% true.
Reply
:iconsaltwaterlungs:
saltwaterlungs Featured By Owner May 11, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Goodness, it doesn't ruin anything. It enhances it and make the emotions much larger
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:iconbunocerous:
bunocerous Featured By Owner May 8, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Incredible
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:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner May 11, 2014
:tears: Oh thank you
Reply
:iconimariposa:
iMariposa Featured By Owner May 8, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Wow . . . I have no other words for this. Beautiful, as usual.
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:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner May 11, 2014
Gosh, thank you, its so scary trying a new medium, Im so grateful of peoples support here
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:iconimariposa:
iMariposa Featured By Owner May 11, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
:D No problem
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:iconghostoftheemptygrave:
GhostOfTheEmptyGrave Featured By Owner May 8, 2014
Soo deeply emotional... It sure touched my heart. A great work :)
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:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner May 11, 2014
nods, a very 'real' piece (Its typed like prose but it is poetry and all my poetrys usually real )
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:iconghostoftheemptygrave:
:huggle: 
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:iconwinterleave:
WinterLeave Featured By Owner May 8, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Beautiful <3
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:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner May 11, 2014
Thank you
Reply
:iconwinterleave:
WinterLeave Featured By Owner May 11, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
You're welcome!
Reply
:iconsrsmith:
SRSmith Featured By Owner May 8, 2014   Writer
This is beautifully painful, and very moving to watch and listen to you read. Very emotional.
Reply
:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner May 11, 2014
:tears: Yeah, I wasn't sure if I wanted to share it here, but there is actually only one poem (aside from things I've submitted for my degree which will be posted here once they've been graded) that isn't on DA, and I make it a point to try and put everything up here and be brave... but this came from a real thing, my real life, and it hurts so it was harder.

Thank you SR, you know, you have been a support for so long. You always make me smile.
Reply
:iconsrsmith:
SRSmith Featured By Owner May 12, 2014   Writer
Thanks for sharing, and for your kind words. I'm glad I can make you smile.
:-)
Reply
:icondarkborder:
DarkBorder Featured By Owner May 8, 2014  Hobbyist Photographer
Wow! Wow! Just - wow!
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:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner May 11, 2014
Oh :blush: gosh, thank you, this is new to me and that means the world
Reply
:icondeaths-lament:
Deaths-Lament Featured By Owner May 8, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
This is so beautiful :) :heart: I love all your descriptions and the way you talk about salt disolving into the sea is amazing.

Those last few lines though. God damn those are harrowing.
Reply
:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner May 11, 2014
You are so lovely, thank you...

this is a true story, sadly, about the reason why my sisters ashes were scattered where they were
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:icondeaths-lament:
Deaths-Lament Featured By Owner May 12, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
You're lovely too :) :huggle:

I can see that now, the journey through the story. Shit that was subtle. I went a slightly different way with it 
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