what? What? what?

I've been going ... "what?" for about ten minutes now. I even went to my /dds/ page to see if it was there or if DA was glitching and making my thumb appear in the footer by accident. WHAT? wut?!

I am completely thrown through a loop and surprised by my 6th DD... :shock: me?! What? I didn't even know 6 months had passed since my last one! What?!

:surprise: :surprised: 

I don't know what  to say, my minds blank. Last night I had such an awful night... this week has been just... really hard and tiring with my fight with mental health and uni.. and with my writing honestly. I got my first grade back in a creative writing module of my degree and its "only" a 2.1... which would be great for a first grade except I got one point less than the grade I got for my first media essay - and I don't attend my media lectures or seminars so its kind of insulting to do worse at the thing I put all my time and energy and I go to all the lectures and seminars for - and it really made me doubt myself.

You guys in DA have so much faith in me, it seems, but when I submit for publication or - as is now the case - academic stuff I seem to fall way way short of industry standards and I don't know what the disconnect is. and I don't know whose wrong. Thousands of my peers who love my work, or one expert who doesnt.... last night I had to go home (to my mums rather than my uni accomodation) because it wasnt safe to be alone... today uni offered me to move rooms (because I cant use my current kitchen due to anxiety, so this means by next week my life will be a lot easier). and then I logged onto this madness.

Maybe a more sensible (sensicle ) journal will come this afternoon, I'm sleep deprived and in shock! but I wanted to say thank you to camelopardalisinblue for suggesting me and DorianHarper for featuring me. I am always so shocked and emotional when people think of me or my work.... and I really needed this boost today of all days. 

tthank you guys

- SHOCKED & CONFUSED